You thought you had found the perfect guy. You couldn’t imagine him cheating or walking out on you. I hear this frequently in my office…why didn’t he tell you how he felt? Why did he clam up or act like everything was okay when it wasn’t? He was so into you, and you never thought he would leave.
There are things that guys keep to themselves. The majority of men I counsel are complimentary about their partners – until I ask them how she makes him feel. Then they begin revealing all the things that hurt them. When a guy feels hurt, he seldom uses words to express himself. He may say he’s angry or feels neglected, but for him to say, “What you did really hurt my feelings,” or, “You made me feel like less of a man,” is rare. Unfortunately, women expect words from men that they can relate to; therefore, they frequently overlook how their actions may be making their man feel.
Men don’t typically just walk out the door and leave the love of their life. If they do, they probably won’t explain why. Here are the top five reasons guys leave:
A guy cannot feel loved or build trust with someone who they feel disrespected by. He needs to feel like his opinion matters and that you have his back. When a man gets close to you, he understands you see his weakness. He needs to feel accepted even with his weaknesses.
When you talk with your friends about how your partner is like another child, how much more money you make, or all you do for the family, his natural instinct is to feel defensive and compete against you. If his masculinity is threatened and you’re making all the decision, he questions why he’s in this relationship.
He feels like he’s a project instead of a partner. Trying to “fix” your partner is like pushing them out the door. He questions if he can ever please you or if he’ll ever match your expectations. Instead trying harder, he gives up and becomes apathetic, and the relationship falls apart.
He feels sexually rejected. The majority of men I counsel feel unloved by their partner. Men feel as though their partner makes excuses not to be with them. He compares the way you dress for work or for girls’ night to the way you dress around the house. He feels used and questions if you love him or your lifestyle more. This is a contributing factor to divorce. Moms often become more emotionally attached to their children than their husband. He begins feeling rejected emotionally and sexually.
He feels unappreciated. A man will do almost anything for the woman he loves if he feels appreciated. He needs to be recognized by his partner as satisfying her the most. Men may seem unemotional, detached, and focused on other things, but they hear everything you say about them when it involves appreciation. Don’t wait to thank him, it loses its significance when they’re walking out the door.
A relationship involves two different people, and that means men and women must think about how what they say and do affects their partner. Women have permission in society to express pain and hurt. Men find that more difficult and usually only share how they feel with their significant other. If you’re the person who holds your man’s hidden feelings, take extra care to treat him with respect and appreciation.