6 Traits That Increase Attractiveness And Have Nothing To Do With Looks


When you think of an attractive person, your thoughts usually turn to their physical appearance. If you spend time on social media, you’re acutely aware of the influence people gain when they use filters to appear gorgeous and physically flawless. This phenomenon can feel discouraging on those days where you’re less than impressed with the image staring back at you in the mirror. Your mind immediately begins to criticize your own image as you compare yourself to others.


As a therapist, I have worked with many incredibly attractive people, but this attractiveness has nothing to do with their physical appearance, rather the way in which they carry themselves. While your physical appearance may help you get a date if you’re single and ready to mingle, the way you project yourself has much more influence on whether you’ll find yourself in a happy long-term relationship. Attractive personality traits enhance one’s physical appearance and, in fact, boosts one’s appeal much more than looks alone. So, if you want to attract others, don’t focus on expensive make-up, clothing, or hair styles. Instead, develop as many of the following six personality traits as possible.


1. You have an opinion but can also entertain other ideas. People are attracted to individuals who have placed thought into their values, developed an informed opinion, and are open to discussion rather than merely “winning”. Being a follower or someone who agrees with everyone else’s opinion is not nearly as attractive as one who educates themselves, reads, and critically thinks about issues.

2. You have keen emotional intelligence. Listening to others and placing yourself in their shoes is a highly attractive trait. Emotional intelligence helps you distinguish between the time to be quiet and the time to speak up. You seek to understand rather than win a conversation.

3. You are reliable and consistent. One of the most important traits for building trust is reliability. Others view a consistent and reliable individual as someone of high character.

4. You show self-discipline. When someone is self-disciplined, they take care of themselves rather than relying upon a parent or partner to care for their needs. These individuals are more attractive to a partner because they show emotional maturity and self-sufficiency, relieving pressure from a potential partner.

5. You enjoy your own interests. When you develop interests outside of a relationship, you show a potential partner that you live a meaningful life. You are more attractive when involved with an activity you love, and this joy is reflected to those around you.

6. You maintain a growth mindset. People are more attractive when they do not remain rigid in their thinking. Be open to honest feedback from others about yourself and express a willingness to change without defensiveness. The biggest predictor of a healthy relationship is one’s willingness to face their faults and work on them instead of running away.


Although we all tend to first focus on looks, they quickly fade when the person we’re smitten with doesn’t have the right personality traits to make a relationship work. The looks or charm will soon devolve into resentment if they appear needy, unable to think or act for themselves, or demand all your attention. A long-term relationship becomes magical when both partners exhibit personality traits that make them appealing long after their looks have faded.

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