Zumped: Break-Ups Hurt No Matter How They Happen

Just as people have started dating during the pandemic, many are also breaking up. When all of your dates have been on Zoom or Skype, it can be especially uncomfortable and complicated. You almost wish they had just ghosted you or sent a text to save the awkwardness. Alas, many are choosing the honorable thing to do, which is to break-up “in person” on Zoom, leading many to getting “zumped.”

Getting zumped is heart-breaking when you spent so many nights talking online with your new date. Sharing your kitchen, bedroom, and walks in the park with your pandemic partner has been a lifeline for many. Due to social distancing and limited social outlets, many are already feeling intense loneliness and isolation before a break-up. Below are some suggestions that can help you through not only getting zumped but also coming through feeling more wise, grateful, and hopeful.

1. Give yourself time to grieve the breakup. Just because the relationship was online doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. During the pandemic, couples have spent hours talking online. In some cases, the courtship was longer and more emotionally charged than typical dating. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve.

2. Stay away from overanalyzing why it didn’t work. Relationships online are missing the physical chemistry and subtleties of a typical relationship. You cannot possibly know everything that went into your partner’s decision and it may be due to their issues or situation and not you personally. Focus on the future and move past the analysis.

3. Reconnect with your life and inner social circle. When dating you may have given up connecting with those closest to you. Reach out for support and connect with your anchor people who love you and are supportive. Make plans for outdoors activities and new adventures you can look forward to in the future.

4. Engage in a “digital detox” from social media and online dating for 2 to 3 months. Take time to reinvest in your present life by removing the pressure of dating. This can help you get back in touch with what adds meaning and interest to your life.

5. Learn from the breakup. Break-ups happen to everyone, and there are lessons to be learned. Zooming and online dating has helped buffer the loneliness many are feeling during the pandemic. However, setting boundaries and spotting red flags is just as important online as it is in person. Don’t allow anyone to disrespect you or make you feel bad about yourself. The worst sort of loneliness isn’t being single – it’s being with someone but feeling unloved and alone.

Getting zumped is painful, but being with someone who isn’t honest, trustworthy, or committed to the relationship is wasting your precious time. You are better off focusing on what brings you a sense of joy and adds meaning to your life.