Why a Relationship Can’t be Forced

No one expects relationships to be easy, but neither do they expect them to be so difficult that it feels as though you are pulling your partner through muck to get them to engage. Feeling like your partner needs to be forced or coerced to engage with you makes you feel lonely, worthless, and isolated. Are you really in this relationship together, or are you trying to convince yourself that someone else is invested as much as you are?

Not all relationships are meant to continue, and if you’re currently feeling like you’re doing all the work and reaping none of the relationship rewards, it’s time to step back and see your relationship for what it is. But how do you know for sure that it’s over and you need to stop trying to create a relationship that really isn’t one? Below, I have clear signs that your partner is not invested, and it’s best that you let this relationship go.

1. Neither of you feels happiness when you think of your relationship. If your relationship feels like a weight upon your shoulders rather than something you can’t wait to experience together, that’s a warning sign that the relationship is troubled.

2. Others can see you aren’t good together. When good friends tell you that they don’t feel good about the two of you or that you don’t seem connected, that’s an important sign not to ignore. Sometimes our friends see what is happening way before we do when we’re invested in it, so listen, hear them out, and reflect on what they’re saying.

3. You don’t want the same thing with kids in your future. There is a timeline that should be respected for having kids. If you want kids now and your partner wants them 5 to 10 years from now, this relationship will not work. It’s important to advocate for yourself and not force your partner into a parenting role if they aren’t ready. It’s scary to leave, but scarier to waste a life waiting for what you want and facing resentment if you never get the experience of raising children of your own.

4. The more you force a romantic relationship when there isn’t one, the more you risk a friendship. Maybe you and your partner are meant to be friends only. Maybe the idea of being romantically involved in a long-term relationship isn’t what the two of you can create. If your partner resists investing their time, effort, and life to be with you, it’s wiser to invest in a friendship and let go of the romantic relationship fantasy.

5. A healthy relationship is a partnership both partners need and want to commit to. When you’re trying too hard to make a relationship work that shouldn’t, you end up feeling worse about yourself, your partner, and relationships in general. Look for someone who wants to commit to you and is emotionally prepared to assume the responsibilities that a healthy relationship demands. One of the most important decisions you’ll ever make is who you choose as your partner; choose someone worthy of your love and commitment.

It's difficult to let go of a relationship the longer it endures, so when and if you believe you're in love with someone who isn’t invested in you or a relationship with you, be courageous, ask the tough questions, and know when to let it go.