When Ending a Friendship Is the Healthier Choice

A client recently asked me how to know when it’s time to let go of a long-term friendship. Because friendships play a vital role in our mental health, it’s important to reflect on why we’re considering ending a relationship with someone we’ve known and shared our lives with. Friends provide support, offer comfort, and remind us that we are valued when the rest of the world seems to overlook us. In fact, research has shown that when people are asked about their greatest losses, many cite the loss of a longtime friend.

Friendships are dynamic, and not all of them are meant to last forever. Over time, we may find ourselves at a crossroads where a friend chooses a path or behavior we see as destructive, making it difficult to continue the relationship. Sometimes, the differences become irreconcilable, and ending the friendship is the best decision for our well-being.

In my clinical practice, I’ve worked with individuals who maintain friendships simply because they don’t know how to end them—even when those relationships are no longer healthy. If a friendship consistently leaves you feeling drained, exhausted, or unsupported, it may be time to step back. True friendships should uplift and support you, not weigh you down. Here are some signs that it may be time to let go:

1. You no longer share core values or common interests. If your friendship feels forced and lacks meaningful connection, it may no longer serve either of you.

2. You're the only one making an effort. A friendship should be mutual. If you’re always the one reaching out or adjusting your schedule to make time for them, but they never reciprocate, they may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

3. You feel emotionally drained after spending time together. A healthy friendship should feel energizing and supportive. If interactions consistently leave you feeling exhausted, it may be a sign that the emotional balance is off.

4. They don’t respect your boundaries. If a friend demands all of your time, gets jealous when you spend time with others, or disregards your personal space, they may not have your best interests at heart. True friends want you to be happy and supported by multiple people.

5. You feel unsafe being honest with them. If you’re afraid to share your thoughts and feelings because they judge, criticize, or dismiss you, the relationship lacks authenticity and emotional safety.

6. They’ve become unreliable or flaky. If your friend constantly cancels plans or breaks promises, it may indicate that you’re an option rather than a priority. A strong friendship is built on trust and dependability.

7. You don’t feel good about yourself when you're with them. Friends should lift each other up. If your friend has become overly critical, jealous, or unsupportive, it’s worth considering whether the relationship is still healthy.

Letting go of a friendship is never easy, especially when you’ve shared so many life experiences. How you move forward depends on the nature of your friendship, where they live, and how often you see each other. Sometimes, simply creating distance—by spending less time together—can help the relationship fade naturally.

The most important thing is to acknowledge your history together and appreciate what you once shared, while also recognizing that personal growth has led you in different directions. Rather than ending things with resentment or blame, parting ways with grace allows both of you the opportunity to find new, fulfilling friendships.