The Cure for Feeling Schlubby

Sexual desire is lower than at any point since the pandemic for stressed people, according to a new study from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. The pandemic heightened fear, loneliness, disconnect, and boredom, and these feelings led to reduced desire in the bedroom. Many Americans were also more unhappy with their bodies during the pandemic since they were snacking more, staying up later, dressing down, and facing closed gyms. “Schlubby” is the new buzzword to best describe this overall sense of negative body image and malaise.

Experts in the field of marriage and sex remind us that body image plays a huge role in defining sexual desire and libido in both men and women. If you’ve gained a few pounds and are staying home in your sweatpants and pajamas, you’re less motivated to feel sexy in the bedroom. If you don’t like your body, it’s hard to imagine your partner wanting to be intimate with you. If you’re feeling a little schlubby yourself, here are some suggestions that can help.

1. Talk about how you feel about your body with your partner. If you confess to feeling schlubby or unattractive in your own skin, there’s a good chance your partner will tell you he/she feels the same way about their body. It’s also possible that they may remind you how sexy they think you look which is always a good way to jumpstart feeling desired.

2. Be mindful of your negative self-talk about your body. Stop bullying your body by insulting it or picking at the parts you don’t like. Being kind and focusing on the body parts you do find attractive helps you change your mindset from schlubby to sexy.

3. Dress up for yourself. When’s the last time you wore “real shoes” or a something dressy? Getting dressed for you reminds you of how good you can look. It’s transforming. Try a night out with the girls and pay attention to what you hear and see as people admire your “new look.”

4. Go back to touching with your partner. Intimacy begins with touch. Start reaching for your partner’s hand when you’re sitting alone, hug more, cuddle more on the couch. Touch bridges the gap of distance you may have grown accustomed to in your relationship. Touch also reminds you that you’re attractive and desired by your partner.

5. Make space for your intimate life. During the pandemic, you made space for teaching your child, working from home, and developing new home-bound hobbies, but what happened to the space for just the two of you? If you’re like many couples, your bedroom may have become an office or project room. Take your bedroom back by making it private and welcoming to the two of you. Encourage feeling more attractive by giving each other massages and making your relationship a priority. Netflix can’t and shouldn’t replace your intimate time together.

Body confidence improves with physical intimacy, and yet there are a million reasons partners can’t get in the mood for intimacy. Ask yourself: if being intimate will help me feel sexier in my own skin, then why am I resisting intimacy? Getting out of your schlubby rut is easiest when you put your sexy on and enjoy your partner.