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Great Sex is a Kiss Away

As a therapist, I see clients every day wanting to know the secret to creating great sex in their marriage. The problem is they focus on the wrong things. Exotic trips, wealth, prestige at work, fame, and having adjusted kids won’t guarantee a healthy sex life. Sex and intimacy are delicate and can be enhanced by the couple’s ability to listen to each other, enjoy each other’s friendship, and share similar experiences. Experts in the field, as well the author of the book Normal Bar, have done extensive research looking at how couples from many countries rate their sex.

The results are surprisingly similar, and you don’t need to be a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist to create a great sex life with your partner. However, you do need to practice these 10 behaviors. It’s important to remember that no one is perfect, and you cannot expect yourself or your partner to practice these perfectly every day.

  1. Talk about your sex life honestly – that means without shame or defensiveness. If you have a problem with your sexuality, visit your health care provider instead of blaming your partner.

  2. Kiss passionately for no reason. If you are one of those people who don’t like kissing on the mouth, try other areas of your body you enjoy.

  3. Give each other small random gifts. They should symbolize something meaningful. Adding a note makes it more precious.

  4. Be affectionate in public. When one partner reaches for another’s hand or puts their arm around them in a public place, feelings of security and intimacy are reinforced.

  5. Say you love each other without distractions. That means stop doing what you’re doing or looking elsewhere when you say it. It must be said with your undivided attention and intentionally or it wasn’t as meaningful.

  6. Keep playing and having fun. Try to make your partner laugh or smile each day.

  7. Maintain a friendship together. This requires you to have shared similarities. You can talk about ideas, share books, or try something new together.

  8. Plan and engage in weekly dates. These dates should be intentional and facilitate new experiences and shared memories.

  9. Be mindful when a partner is feeling overwhelmed with all the work. Partners become less sexual and more resentful when they feel as though their partner doesn’t help them. Splitting the chores can go a long way.

  10. Keep each other and your relationship a priority over all else. Partner’s need to know they can get angry, disagree, and make mistakes without losing the other’s love.

I believe in the benefits of therapy to help couples learn new ways of doing things to get along better and enrich their relationships and families. However, when it comes to great sex, it’s not that complicated. Keep it simple and sensual with everyday gestures and working out difficult situations together. Great sex is a by-product of intimacy. When your partner feels that you desire and want to be with them, they will have the desire to be with you in the bedroom.


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