Breaking Free from Relationship Addiction

We often hear about friends and family who have become addicted to shopping, gambling, drinking, smoking, and other substances. But rarely do we consider what it would feel like or look like to be addicted to a relationship. The cravings, the need, the fear and anxiety of losing the relationship, and the withdrawal when you aren’t able to be together are all signs of this addiction. Thoughts like these are difficult for everyone in love, but when you’re addicted, it can lead to shutting down and behaving impulsively in ways most people would not consider.

You may have felt or currently feel that your relationship is the most important thing in your life, but when does it cross the line into being an addiction or something harmful for you and your significant other?

An addictive relationship can be described as an obsession where you begin feeling unhappy and incomplete without your partner. You aren’t motivated to do anything by yourself or with friends and family that you once enjoyed, and it’s difficult to function when you aren’t with your partner. While it's normal in new love to feel mild addiction pangs to your relationship, when those feelings intensify and don’t go away, it’s more indicative of something different.

Here are some classic signs that you may want to consider if you are concerned that you or your good friend is addicted to their significant other:

• Feeling panic when you aren’t together.

• Denying red flags with your partner.

• Being intensely needy of your partner’s emotional and physical attention.

• Feeling unworthy, unloved, and insecure about your relationship.

• Acting impulsively to keep your partner close, lying, or doing things you would not normally consider appropriate.
  

Anyone can develop a relationship addiction, but it is more common in individuals who come from addictive, chaotic, or abusive childhoods. People who are addicted are more likely to put their worth and happiness into having a relationship and feel worthless when they are unable to establish one. If you suffered a recent breakup where you were rejected, it’s more likely that you will be susceptible to a relationship addiction. Rejection may trigger the same areas of the brain that trigger addictive cravings.

Treatment options are available and depend on the severity of symptoms. Talking to a therapist is helpful if your fear of losing this relationship and feeling addicted to this person is based on past experiences or childhood trauma. A mental health professional can set up a plan to encourage and support you in building stronger boundaries and help hold you accountable in following through on protecting them. Therapy is also ideal in helping you manage cravings when they present with intense anxiety or depression instead of using manipulative tactics to draw closer to your partner. Therapy can also be useful for the couple when relationship addiction is causing conflict and insecurity.

Being in love and supported in a healthy relationship is important to our mental and physical health. When you notice that your desire is based on a fear of losing your partner or you feel obsessed with them, don’t let shame or fear of being vulnerable hold you back from getting the help and support you need. Relationship addictions are curable; the first step begins with admitting that your attachment isn’t healthy.