Being single when you rather be with someone is difficult. Coupled friends may invite you to join them but it can leave you feeling like the third wheel at a table set for four. To avoid these feelings many singles, divorcees, and widowers date people they get along with but don’t love. They describe this type of relationship as a band-aid for the real thing.
The problem with a band-aid relationship is that it lacks commitment and devotion. Therefore, the couple has trouble dealing with conflict. In order to fight fair or share a vision, you must be committed to the relationship. It’s difficult to be committed to a relationship. When you know something is temporary, you don’t make plans, which contributes to anxiety and depression.
Finding yourself in a “band-aid” relationship doesn’t mean you failed; your self-worth does not depend on being with someone. However, it is important to have the awareness that the person you’re with isn’t the one you want to share your life with. Evaluate your current relationship by answering the questions below. Writing down your first thoughts is helpful because they tend to be the most honest.
Do you exclude them from engaging with the closest people in your life? When you’re really in love with someone, you want everyone close to you to know them and care about them.
Do you like them but not feel desire or passion for them? When you’re dating someone you love, you crave holding them and sharing physical intimacy.
Can you clearly picture a future with them and do you like how it looks? When you’re dating someone you love, you cannot imagine your life without them in it.
Do you feel there is nothing worth arguing about? Couples in love argue because they’re invested in each other’s lives. It’s important to them that their partner understands their perspective; sometimes that requires conflict and arguing.
Do you imagine what will happen when you split up and find yourself not caring either way? When you’re with the right person you’re fearful of losing them. You will do everything you can to try and make it work out.
Intimate relationships involve two people. Although you have the right to choose who you spend your life with, playing with someone else’s emotions or leading them to think something is true when it isn’t is deceitful. Going forward, it won’t be about whether this was the one for you, it will be more about what kind of partner you were. Your integrity and ability to be transparent with yourself and your partner will stay with you regardless of the relationship’s outcome.