Can Cheaters Change?

Discovering that your partner cheated, or perhaps realizing you've cheated on your partner, can be profoundly distressing. The old adage "once a cheater, always a cheater" echoes in our minds, exacerbating our heartbreak with each repetition. As a clinical therapist specializing in couples therapy, I frequently work with infidelity and have identified post-cheating signals that may indicate the likelihood of future infidelity.

While there are no guarantees that a partner won't cheat again, reviewing this list and engaging in multiple conversations with your partner can help you process the situation and decide whether it's worthwhile to rebuild trust and reinvest in the relationship.

1. Openness and honesty: Partners who genuinely want to salvage the relationship often demonstrate transparency about the affair. Although some may initially withhold details, motivated cheaters eventually reveal everything without needing to be coerced. Their willingness to come clean reflects a sincere desire to repair the relationship.

2. Establishing boundaries: Rebuilding trust after infidelity requires both partners to commit to establishing firm boundaries. Cheaters who take the lead in this process by sharing passwords, deleting questionable contacts, and blocking past connections demonstrate a proactive effort to protect the marriage from future harm.

3. Self-reflection: Understanding the underlying reasons behind the choice to cheat is crucial for personal growth and relationship repair. Blaming the partner for one's actions is immature and indicative of a potential repeat offender. Taking responsibility and addressing personal issues through self-awareness is essential for preventing future infidelity.

4. Learning from mistakes: Research suggests that previous infidelity doesn't guarantee future betrayal. Individuals who cheat once may learn from their errors and never repeat them. While not foolproof, this insight offers hope for personal growth and relationship restoration.

5. Therapy attendance: Seeking therapy independently, without prompting from a partner, demonstrates a genuine desire to address personal issues and make positive changes. Couples who engage in therapy show a higher likelihood of significant behavioral changes and the establishment of healthier boundaries, fostering relationship healing.

If infidelity has impacted your relationship, it's essential to recognize that you're not destined to follow in your parents' footsteps or replicate your current marital status. A committed partner can choose fidelity, but ultimately, the decision lies with them. If infidelity is a first-time offense, mutual transparency and cooperation are vital for rebuilding trust and preserving the marriage. Together, prioritize the love and commitment within your relationship to overcome the challenges of infidelity.