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Chore-Play Is Better Than No Play in Your Relationship

October 5, 2020

Although there are exceptions, most American relationships involve dual earners, leading to many arguments about housework. In fact, these arguments are a leading cause of divorces in one fourth of all marriages. A study found that when couples focused on sharing chores, couples scored higher in satisfaction with their relationships and sex lives. Women were consistently found to do more housework; when asked what they wanted more in their intimate lives, most women wanted more appreciation and help with household chores.

 

Marriage and sex therapy research found that couples who do chores together are happier, fight less, and have better sex lives. What happens outside the bedroom determines what happens in the bedroom, and many spouses have been rejected more than once due to a sink full of dishes or a mess that could not wait until morning. The single biggest cause of arguments for women in the study was who does the dishes. Therefore, prioritizing and getting involved with chore-play may revive your relationship.

 

Sharing the chores will help you both have time to enjoy each other. Begin by talking about your current status. Are you an 80/20 couple with one partner doing 80% and the other 20%? That is the perfect storm for building resentment and a miserable marriage. Try to get it as close to 50/50 as possible but understand that flexibility is crucial.  Situations change and it will never be perfectly equal. Set your intention to make chores into acts of service, which is a love language for many.

  1. Split the chores so that each partner takes responsibility for specific tasks. This allows for efficiency and gives the couple more time to do leisure activities together.

  2. Try to give each partner the chores they enjoy doing. Some partners enjoy vacuuming more than dusting so, as much as you can, accommodate each other.

  3. Evenly split the chores no one likes. Cleaning toilets, taking out the garbage, or loading the dishwasher are fun for very few. When both people pitch in, it reduces resentment and makes the chores less burdensome.

  4. Share the big tasks and do them together for quality time. Working with your partner to weed the garden, rake the leaves, or pick up toys can be fun with good music and fun conversation.

 

Talking about chore division is a topic often overlooked when you get married, which is unfortunate. When a couple shares the work and both partners feel appreciated outside the bedroom, they report feeling happier and more enthusiastic about their intimate life. Therefore, chores can become an opportunity to improve your sex life. Nothing kills libido quite like resentment or feeling taken for granted. 

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