Mary Jo explains how it is impossible to love another until you truly love yourself. Read her steps on how take better care of yourself and love who you are. Focuses mostly on loving yourself especially during the holidays.

My parents use to tell me as a child that there were two important decisions we make in our lives. The first was who we would marry or share a life with. The second was what we would do for a career. My parents were right! These are important decisions and these decisions are the very ones I see in my clinical practice every day when they are not handled with care. My parents forgot to tell me a third major decision that affects the other two as well as very aspect of ones' life. They forgot to tell me the importance of loving and caring for myself. In the weight management center and in my private practice most of my counseling revolves around teaching or encouraging patients to love themselves. I am not talking about an occasional manicure or
massage. That is nice, but that is not truly loving yourself.

Loving yourself involves much more, and the holidays, because they are spiritual, are the perfect time to consider how you show love to yourself. Forget that big gift you are going to get your "hubby" or the kids. Instead reflect on the steps I outline in this article and try to walk with me and take notice of how you are showing love to yourself. It is impossible to love another person if you cannot love and respect yourself, truly believing that you deserve to be loved first.

The first step is to avoid criticizing yourself. I know...we all get mad at ourselves. We all think we could do better. But...remember you also have a sacred part to yourself. Reassure yourself that we all have times when we know our actions are less then perfect. For the most part all of us do the best we can with what we have at this time. You didn't eat the whole bag of snickers you ate one. Tomorrow will be a new day. We can try again.

Stop scaring yourself. One thing happens and our mind gets going and before we know it we have made a mountain out of a mole hill. The doctor may have told you that you need to lose weight or your health will deteriorate. That does not mean you are going to die tomorrow. In fact if you start changing your habits you may live longer then your doctor who told you about your deteriorating health.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. I think it was Wayne Dwyer that wrote we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience. I like this, because it reminds me that I am not just who people see. I have a part designed by God. Sometimes I make mistakes; I get confused or lose focus. It is these times I have to have faith in something more then myself. To beat myself up would only be an insult to my creator. Learn to be kind to your mind. When I mention this I talk about the importance of prayer, visualization, meditation, etc....These activities "quiet us" and we can breathe and gain focus. During the Holidays people are scrambling, hurry, hurry, hurry. Don't let yourself get caught up in the hype. Pray more during the holidays, meditate more, focus on being an instrument for God's good. If you knew you would die tomorrow what would be your answer if God asked you "What you were passionate about"?

Praise yourself. Praising is not bragging. It is thanking God for surprising you with how well you do something. It is only bragging if you do it in front of others at their expense. But if you do it in private or with a dear friend...that is called being a caretaker of your soul.

Supporting yourself. What do I mean by this? I mean if you are addicted go to a support group that deals with addiction. If you are a compulsive eater got to Overeaters anonymous groups. In other words take care of yourself. Love yourself enough that you will not be victimized by your demons. Get help. I am a psychotherapist in the Weight Management Center at Methodist Hospital. Our job is to empower our patients. Psychotherapy comes from the root word...psycho meaning soul...therapy meaning caretakers. Therefore we are caretakers of the soul. Don't "dump your demons" on to your friends and expect them to take care of them. You are so much better then that! It is painful...but you can do it!!!

Love your imperfections. Humor, laugh, joy....need I say more? None of us has it all. But the ones who laugh appear to.

Take care of your body. Our Weight management Clinic is all about this. What is stopping you? Exercise, eat healthy (especially during the holidays) and don't forget to love someone. I am an intimacy/sex counselor. I tell all of my patients. The key to happiness is being intimately close, sharing stories, talking to good friends. But always reserve your sexuality in a monogamous relationship. Sexuality is sacred, it is impossible to have two souls any closer then at this time. Treat it with great care.

Lastly love yourself now. Don't wait to show yourself tenderness. Don't continue to abuse yourself with food or unhealthy living. You are a light...if you can be brave enough to shine...you will allow all of us to shine also.