“Mom, can I bring Tommy over to meet you and Daddy”?

“Of course my dear, we would love to meet him.”

This is a common line we as mothers have all heard. We cringe when we hear it even though we know it is necessary.


You are our daughters and we know dating is part of what you need to experience during your teen years. We understand you need to be with someone who can be a mirror for you—someone who can tell you all of those special aspects of yourself. Even though we tried to tell you the same things, it will never mean as much as when “Tommy“ tells you. We also know that “Tommy” is going to affect your mood, performance in school, home life, and friendships. That’s the cringe part as we also realize there is a 90% chance that “Tommy” is going to break your heart.

Sounds like misery. Why do we accept the invitation so lovingly? We accept because we love you—more than words or actions during your adolescents will ever be able to express to you. We want you to grow up to be successful, happy, and most of all well adjusted to handle the ups and downs of life. We are fearful of what can happen to you. We’ve been around, and we know the feeling of a shattered heart, a betrayed confidence, and the misery of being alone. Knowing all of this from our side let me suggest a few considerations you may want to consider on your side when you bring “Tommy” home. These are what mothers (myself included) are looking for when we meet “Tommy” for the first time.

1. We are watching to see how “Tommy” treats you. Is he respectful or does he dismiss your thoughts as being silly or emotional?

2. Is he a gentleman? Does he open the door for you, does he make sure you have a place to sit, does he hold your hand, or does he treat you like a guy friend?

3. Does “Tommy” like his mom and dad? Does he talk about them in a loving way? How about the rest of his family?

4. Do you stay adamant in your own dreams and visions? Do you still care for your own body and take time for yourself? Or does “Tommy” consume all of you so much so that you no longer do the things you use to do to make you happy?

5. Is the relationship all about “Tommy”? Do you wait for his call, engage in his activities, and only go out with his friends?

6. How does “Tommy” treat me as your mom? Does he respect me? Does he think I am too controlling? Does he put you in a situation you have to decide who to love more?

I love you…and for this reason, yes, I want to meet “Tommy”. But I am watching “Tommy”. As I said, I know where you have been and you need another good pair of eyes who care.

MJo