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Pregnant and Married to a Serial Cheater

April 12, 2018

With the latest news about pregnant Kloe Kardashian finding out about her husband’s serial cheating scandals, it hard to imagine a more devastating situation. Marriage research suggests that serial cheaters feel less and less at fault after each cheating episode. Serial cheating is often referred to as “adaptation to dishonesty.” Lying essentially becomes habitual and feels less uncomfortable each time. After a while, you don’t feel guilt or shame, which makes treatment or change extremely challenging. It’s difficult to say what Kloe Kardashian will decide to do, but if you are married to a serial cheater, these are steps that you should consider first:

 

  1. Give yourself time to get over the shock. Quick decisions are usually bad ones, especially after an emotionally-charged discovery. Taking a couple of weeks or a month to recover is advised.

  2. Get an individual counselor who specializes in relationships, affairs, and serial cheating. You’ll need someone who can validate what you’re feeling and help guide you as you make decisions about your marriage and the future of your baby.

  3. Get a marriage counselor and insist you and your partner go together. The therapist can help you and your partner get the help you need for sex addictions and the aftermath of betrayal.

  4. Write a transparency contract. Whenever there is an affair, the spouse that was cheated on rarely trusts their partner. For any possible healing to take place, total transparency must begin immediately. A transparency contract means the offending partner shares cell phone passwords, bank statements, and social media accounts. This sacrifice must be made to try and save the relationship.

Very few couples I’ve worked with have been able to save their marriage after serial cheating. When you’ve lied so many times and betrayed your partner during the most vulnerable times, trust is broken. Disconnecting from social media, taking time to heal, and surrounding herself with loving friends and family who support and listen to her will be the best thing for Kloe and her baby right now.

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