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Love Bombing: How to spot it and escape

May 31, 2019

Love bombing, a manipulative behavior that utilizes excessive flattery to control an unsuspecting potential partner, is the antithesis of everything love stands for. It’s cruel and selfish, often leaving a person feeling confused and foolish for falling for such a manipulative person. Here’s what love bombing looks like:

  1. They say they love you first early in the relationship and go to extremes to show you. They will go above and beyond only after a few dates. They will help you take care of an elderly parent, open your car doors, purchase extensive golf time for you, take care of your child, and come take care of you when you’re sick.

  2. They often complement you on ordinary things and tell you exactly what you want to hear. Everyone loves to hear great things about themselves, but excessive compliments are not sincere. Especially when given by someone you don’t know that well.

  3. They want to move too fast.  Love bombers want all of you soon after they meet you. They begin making plans for your future together. All of this attention doesn’t sit well at times; it’s as if it feels too good to be true. 

  4. Love bombers are attentive and work to please you temporarily. Love bombers are attentive and kind initially, but once they begin feel that you are smitten with them, they will become emotionally negative making you feel badly about yourself.

 

If you’re worried your dating a love bomber, listen to your gut. Here’s how to escape a potentially dangerous situation:

  1. Don’t feel bad for your love bomber, no matter what they tell you. Love bombers take advantage of people who listen to their sad story and get drawn into it. You cannot fix a love bomber – only a mental health professional can.

  2. Cut off all contact with your love bombing partner. If you shared passwords, change them immediately. Don’t respond to text messages, social media messages, or calls.

  3. Seek counseling. It is not unusual to experience a Stockholm syndrome effect from being with a love bomber. Counseling may help you understand the majority of what your love bomber told you was insincere.

 

Love bombing is correlated strongly with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but not every love bomber has NPD. Many grew up in chaotic, abusive homes, and they’ve learned manipulation as a survival technique. Many times they are empty and looking for someone to attach to. They don’t care who they hurt because their world revolves around them and filling their emptiness. Stay aware of how the person you’re with leaves you feeling and learn to trust your gut. 

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