It happens to the majority of couples who share a life together; whether they’re picking up a dirty sock, up all night with a sick baby, or going out to dinner so exhausted they can barely keep their eyes open, they think to themselves, “Where has the passion gone?” They begin feeling isolated or alone, ignored, undesired and they may turn to their partner and blame them. Rediscovering your desire is an inside job, but it’s something both of you have to work towards together. Prioritizing your intimacy and sexual needs is the glue that keeps marriages strong and families united. If you’re having medical issues affecting your desire, seeking a medical professional’s help is important, and you can’t rekindle desire if you’re not feeling well. Sometimes medication is necessary to balance hormones or treat other closely related body organs that are causing a problem with desire, but not always. These five techniques can help you find your inner desire again and they are prescription free.
Schedule a date. Though it may seem un-sexy to send your partner a calendar invite for intimacy, blocking out time on your schedule can be a big boon to your sex life. When you’re younger you may spontaneously feel desire, but as you age or as your relationship ages you may not be in the mood until you find yourself in the situation such as a passionate kiss, a romantic dance, or a lusty embrace. Scheduling a date helps you escape your busy life and focus on your intimate life with your partner, enhancing your desire.
Romance begins in the morning. Your desire or lust does not have an on/off switch, and that’s why it’s important to begin the romance in the morning. Flirt, be attentive, send suggestive texts, and intimate touch all remind your partner that you desire and want them. It helps create more desire and excitement in your relationship, keeping the passion alive.
Exercise. Exercising each day will increase desire. Research from the University of Texas suggests twenty minutes on a treadmill or stationary bike pumps endorphins thus igniting arousal. It doesn’t matter what exercise you do, but sweating is important to have the endorphin release. It eases stress, builds a more flexible body and provides body confidence, which increases desire and intimacy.
Make it fun with props. Adding fun is a key component to feeling desire. A bottle of bubble bath, feathers, whipped cream, and massage oils all make intimacy something to look forward to, making it exciting and fun. You don’t have to buy expensive devices or toys. Keep it simple, be creative and relax with intimacy. Take turns finding something you think would be fun and surprise your partner. Surprises heighten arousal.
Sleep enhances desire. A study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports that for every extra hour of sleep, women’s desire intensified making it 14% more likely they would desire sex. More sleep lowers stress and helps you focus on the act of intimacy. The healthier your lifestyle overall, the more easily you’ll rekindle that spark of desire.
Your relationship isn’t over just because the desire is gone. Like all aspects of a relationship, desire needs to be nurtured and attended to. Letting it dry up and using it as an excuse for your marriage ending is not taking responsibility for your part of keeping it alive.