Being part of a couple is a dance. He moves one way and you move another. She twirls, but your arm has to guide that (if you want to keep her close). Being part of a couple like a tango assumes an “attitude.” It's empowering to be sharing your life with another, but it is also learning to negotiate and give in to things you aren't use to giving in to. Sometimes you submit; sometimes you dominate. A healthy couple learns to dance with grace and fluidity that makes it look easy and fun.

Part of the dance we don't often talk about is the me part. You need this part or you will become enmeshed and co-dependent, blurring into each other. This me part can become too dominant though and take over. Most likely this happens to all of us at times. We become self-centered, self-focused, and demanding. It's wonderful if you can recognize this, but most of us don't until our partner begins to feel neglected or abandoned. This me part looks like this:

1. I have to get this work done before I come home.
2. I need to meet with the guys. They are thinking I am “whipped.”
3. I need to do these errands now.
4. Don't bother me when I am in the middle of something.
5. I need to do my exercise now (exercise is healthy and you should do it every day, but you can schedule it around your partner).
6. Just get to the point (especially offensive when your partner is telling you something they are sensitive about).
7. How do I look? This is okay to ask, but don't forget to tell your spouse once in awhile how great they look.
8. We don't have money to go out. (It doesn't take money to spend an evening with your spouse, it takes time).
9. Leave me alone; I am tired.
10. I need to get my nails, hair, massage, etc….done first.

The thing about being a healthy, happy couple is the dance takes nothing but time. No money (well…okay, maybe some), no transportation, and no special place. The music is the hum of the couple working together. Most men are visual, so they appreciate a partner who takes care of herself and wants to look her best. Women aren't as visual, but we appreciate a partner who notices us and makes us feel adored. It sounds easy…and it can be. Just like a tango…when you get the right attitude, the rest is submitting to your partner and the dance.