If you say "we" rather than "me" or "I" in your marriage, you are more likely to have a stronger, more fulfilling marriage. A new study from the University of California suggests that the more a couple sees and refers to themselves as a team using pronouns such as "we" or "us," the happier they are in their marriage.

The study analyzed 154 middle-aged and older married couples talking about arguments and/or disagreements they had. When the conversations were more frequent with "we words," there was less physical stress noted between the couple. They were also much more satisfied with their marriage than their "I" and/or "me" counterparts. Pronouns that depict more separateness also correlated more highly to unhappy marriages, especially with older couples. There were more "we" couple statements in the older group as compared to the middle-aged group. The study suggests that the older the couple, the more they have shared together, and there is possibly a greater shared identity.

How can you learn to incorporate more "we-ness" into your relationship to achieve the benefits that "me-ness" doesn't afford you? For starters, it may be good to practice changing your pronouns, especially in front of your partner. It appears that using "we' instead of "me" is a bit contagious. It also makes your partner feel more secure and willing to work toward a common goal.

More tips to change from "me" to "we"

• Purchase his and her towel sets. This helps each partner see themselves as part of the marriage. In fact, share everything you can (including a bank account).
• Ask your partner's opinion on joint purchases for the home. This makes your partner feel valued as being part of the couple. Ask their opinion in regard to clothes you buy as well as your hairstyle, shoes, etc.
• When talking to your parents on the phone, refer to your activities as "we," describing what you and your partner did over the weekend, or where you and your partner are going to vacation this year. These small changes make your partner feel like they are a part of your life.
• When you send a gift to your family or friends, always sign the card with both of your names, or write "we miss you" or "we love you." The more you use "we," even when your partner is not around, the more you begin seeing yourself as part of this team. It becomes more ingrained in your thoughts. You begin viewing yourself and your partner as emotionally close.
• When you sign a card to your spouse, always put "your husband" or "your wife."
• Share your visions and dreams by saying, "I see US doing this someday," or "I hope WE can accomplish this goal."

This study shows how small changes in a couple's communication or a change in their semantics can actually affect their long term outcome as a couple. It may be wise to note how you feel when your spouse says, "I want to do this," versus "we want to do this." Chances are high that you will feel more connected and receptive to the activity if you hear we instead of me!