There are many women who are in their late thirties and forties who would like to find someone with whom to have a relationship and get married. Some of these women are accomplished, bright, and pretty, and as they tell me they cannot find someone, I am flabbergasted. I meet great men all the time.  It only takes one man to get married, so what is the problem? Well, the longer you talk to these women one thing becomes very clear. Many of them are looking for Mr. Perfect. Before I go any further let me define what I mean by Mr. Perfect.  I am not saying that you should not be picky. I am saying that before you judge you should be very honest with yourself. What do you have to offer? What are your weaknesses? What are your strengths? If you are looking for someone with ambition, are you really looking for someone who will work so you can stay home? If you decide not to date someone because he is too short, is his height more of value to you than his heart?

I recently read a book titled “Marry him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb. The author (who is 42 years old and has a child from a sperm donor) now realizes she wants a husband with whom to share her life. She talks about all of the good enough men (who look great now) she knew in her twenties and thirties that she let go of due to some minor defect (height, weight, what they did for a living). She now sees them with their wives and children and she feels envy for the wife. She didn’t realize the importance of having a husband, and before she knew it she was forty.

When this author was asked why she and other women who ended up unmarried at forty didn’t marry she replied that she thought she was resistant to compromise. She said she felt entitled to having a Mr. Right that looked a certain way, had a certain job, and was able to express romantic gestures in a certain way. Yes, you are entitled to that thinking. However, that thinking is going to leave you very much alone.  People don’t come with microchips that you can program. They come to us scarred, and sensitive to emotions we may not understand. They may present to us as good looking at first, but that can change quickly when we see them act cruelly to us or to someone else. 

If you are alone and want to be married by the end of the year there are several ideas you may want to consider.

1. What makes you someone that someone else would want to marry?
2. What can you tolerate in another, and what can’t you tolerate in another person? If there are things you cannot tolerate, try to get that list below 2 or 3 characteristics.
3. What areas of your life are you unwilling to share? The shorter that list, the better also.  Many times people will answer that question without complete honesty. Be aware, others feel vibes of those areas even if you aren’t able to admit them.

Marriage is not perfect, and the only reason to get married is because you find someone you want to share your life with. There is no better way to understand you than to be married. It will show you every selfish, cruel bone you have in your body. It also has an incredible way of showing you every ounce of compassion and tolerance you have in your heart. To be married to Mr. Good Enough is preferable for me because what growth would there be for me if I were married to Mr. Perfect?