I work at the Methodist Weight Management program. It is not uncommon for women to tell me they became morbidly obese after they got married. In fact many women will recite that they were thin until the birth of their first baby. They are frustrated and do not understand what happened. Many of these women feel guilty because they believe it is the way they eat or not enough exercise. Certainly behavior changes do contribute to weight gain, but maybe it has more to do with the couple and what they are doing together that leads to weight gain for the wife?

Annette J. Dobson, a professor of biostatistics at the University of Queensland in Australia reported that adjusting for other variables on average a woman who weighs 140 pounds who has a partner whether she lives with him or is married to him gains up to 20lbs in ten years if she has a baby, 15 pounds if there is no baby and no partner she gains only 11 pounds.  The number of women with a baby but no partner was too small of a sample size to draw statistically significant conclusions (link to the NY Times Article).

Scientists cannot come up with a reason to believe that having a partner would cause metabolic changes so they are lead to believe that the weight gain among the childless women with partners must be caused by behavioral changes. The weight gain seemed to be steady during the whole 10 year study so whatever behaviors they were changing just kept getting more constant.

This study was done with 6,000 Australian women over a ten year period which ended in 2006. It was difficult studying such a large group over that period of time. By the end of the study more than half of the women had college degrees and about three quarters had partners and half had had at least one baby. Almost all the weight gain happened with the first baby, while subsequent births had little effect. Also by the end of the study there were fewer smokers and risky drinkers than at the beginning. There were fewer women exercising and less of them were working outside the home. But even after adjusting for all of these factors and more, the difference in weight gain among women with and without babies and among women with and without partners remained. This study included only women but the researchers cited one earlier study that showed an increase in obesity among men who had children, adding evidence that behavior changes occur to both partners. Healthy and unhealthy lifestyles affect both men and women.

How to prevent or minimize weight gain as a couple:

1. Get into an exercise program and do it every day (consistency is the key). Don’t focus on the amount of time; try to take mini intense workouts. Walking very fast for 10 minutes is better than walking slow for 20. No time to exercise? Fit walking in whenever you can.
2. When you go out to eat, watch portions. If your husband weighs 200 pounds and is 6 feet and you are 5 feet 2 inches and weigh 140 you should not be eating the same amount of food he does. Cut down half of the portion the restaurant brings you.
3. As much as possible do not eat after 7 p.m. in the evening.
4. Have sex frequently. I don’t know why it works, but it does for burning calories. It also will help with your body image which will help you control your appetite.
5. Pamper yourself with things other than food. Most of what I do at my job is to teach people alternative behaviors to relieve stress that don’t include food.

As couples become comfortable in a relationship they may develop the attitude that they don’t need to stay slim anymore. This is not only untrue but it is dangerous. Most diseases are worsened or precipitated by weight gain. Instead of using food as a measure of comfort couples would be wise to use a new measure such as hugs, snuggling, or massages. In the New Year make it a goal to find a new activity you can do as a couple that doesn’t involve eating.

New Year resolutions are made because we are ready for a change. We all have areas in our lives we want to improve, knowing the changes would make us healthier and happier. First, you must decide what you want in your life; get clarity (80% of being successful is being clear about what you want) on your ideal life. See it and create a mental picture of who you would be. There are several questions you need to ask yourself before making a resolution:

1. What do you want to change in your life and why? (The fewer things you want to change, the better. Start with one and build from there).
2. Are you making a resolution for yourself or are you pleasing someone else? Resolutions that are successful are done because you want them to work for you.
3. If you are making a resolution for yourself because it affects others, can you count on them to support you? For example, let’s say you want to lose weight so you can be more active in your kids’ lives. This is a great resolution, but make sure your kids are in on it so they can help by being supportive.
4. Do you have a network of support people who will help you stay on track with your resolution? If your diet is the area you are going to work on, do you have friends who can share healthy recipes? Are your friends willing to engage in different activities with you rather than going out to dinner? Will your friends be able to help motivate you to get back on track when you have fallen off?

Now, after this part of your work is done and you are clear, it is time to begin the change. The tips provided below will help you be the person you envision becoming:

• The first thing you must do is decide why the behavior you are trying to change needs to be changed. You must make a commitment that it will end today. Let’s say you are a smoker. Today you must decide you can no longer live your life as a smoker.
• Next, choose a behavior you can engage in instead of the unhealthy one. For example, do you yell at your kids? A new behavior to replace this with would be whispering at them when you are angry. You may also see that they listen better to whispering instead of yelling or screaming.
• Many of the behaviors we are trying to eliminate are the ones we do during social gatherings. Change the atmosphere and you will help change the cues that make you want to do the destructive behaviors. Drinking, smoking, and over-eating are some of these destructive behaviors. Maybe meet for a walk with friends, or go to a movie, or meet at a coffee house. You can still socialize, but you won’t be as likely to sabotage your healthier behavior.
• Each day, write down the behavior you chose for the day and how you were successful or unsuccessful. It is important that your new behavior continues for at least 30 days so you can become more and more familiar with it. New behaviors are difficult until they feel “natural.”
• Make sure you reward yourself each time you choose a successful, healthy alternative behavior. In a small way, you are learning to “re-parent” yourself by setting a goal and rewarding yourself after you achieve success.

Being successful with making New Year’s resolutions permanent is 99.99999 percent dependent on how bad you want it. Want it, begin it, continue it, and you are it!!!