Let’s just put it this way, “Facebooking” and “YouTubing” are no longer just a “cute” thing kids do for fun to pass the time.  Not understanding the risks associated with the many social media outlets poses a huge potential problem to the safety and well-being of our children.

To keep them safe, it is something that needs to be monitored closely.  To fully understand the potential dangers, we, as parents/teachers/child advocates need to educate ourselves and then monitor closely.

I am a psychotherapist with a private practice in Houston, Texas, and a media expert for several networks. I co-authored a book for moms and daughters about the importance of teaching young women about their bodies and health.  Since the start of the New Year, I have been interviewed by CNN on the topic of ‘Teens, Facebook and How it Can Lead to Depression.’ I have also done other interviews around kids and Internet safety.

I read the headlines daily, and see sad story after sad story about a child who was not supervised by engaged parents or children whose parents were not aware of their child’s virtual world. If you lose a child due to cyber bullying or depression due to feeling isolated and friendless, it is too late to become involved and ask the questions you need to ask now. Telling yourself that your child would never be involved in dangerous activities online is denial on a parent’s part. Any parent who has parented a teen understands being proactive is wiser than trying to scramble when bad things happen.  

Thus, I wanted to take some time to educate or re-educate parents about the reasons they need to be engaged in their kids’ Internet activity.

Whether it’s browsing websites like YouTube, networking on social media, playing video or other internet-connected games, or downloading files, every activity poses potential dangers that parents should be aware of.

Before the Internet was so accessible to all children, kids could come home and we, as parents, could ask them how their day was, who they hung out with or had lunch with, or how their activities went after school.

Judging by their child’s response, we could get a fairly good idea of the events and interactions of the day and, by just looking at their face or judging their reactions to our questions, understand how their day actually was.

Well, our children now have a world very different from the one we have known throughout their life.

They have an online world with real people, real events and real drama – that can easily be hidden from our view and protection.

So, let’s start with a quick quiz. Do you know:

• If your child has a Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or Tumblr account?
• How they use each social networking site they have?
• How many friends do they have? Do they know all of those friends?
• If they have more than one Facebook page?
• ALL of their friends and connections on each site? Do they?
• How much time your child spends online in general?
• What your child does on YouTube?
• If the video games they play connect to the Internet?

Each of these questions represents online activity by most kids on most days.

By using these social media and search vehicles and playing video games online, they can be whoever they want, talk to anyone they want, or research anything they want.  And until we communicate with them about the happenings in that digital world, we are missing out on what’s going on in their entire world.

I recommend two avenues:

Daily communication of what happened online. Questions might include:

• “Where did you spend your time online today – IM, Facebook, games, surfing, etc?”
• “Did you make any new friends?”
• “Have you noticed anyone having trouble – I read a lot about cyber bullying.”
• “Did you play any new online games today?”
• “Would you mind showing that (whatever it may be) to me?”
• I would also suggest proper etiquette rules of Facebook and texts.
• I would check their phone for inappropriate photos and go over those rules and consequences prior to giving them the phone (it is a privilege after all…not a necessity).

Monitor Internet and computer activity using preventative measures that work best for you:

• Restricting Internet use to a public space such as the kitchen or family room and allowing kids on the computer only when you are home.
• Managing your computer’s own settings for password control.
• Adding software-based controls to your computer.
• Ensuring that privacy settings on all Internet-based accounts are set to your standards. This includes sites like Facebook, but also YouTube and online photo sites like Snapfish or Picasso.

Add a service to monitor your children’s activity on sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube to send you alerts based around your child’s activities.

Checking to ensure these same settings and measures are also used on cellular phones that have Internet access.

While there is no perfect solution, a combination of these measures and daily interactions will help provide your child with a safe online experience. As always, we recommend you keep the conversations around Internet safety open and positive so expectations and rules are made cut and dry.

In a place where predators are present, cyber bullying is increasing, and defaming the reputations of others happens rampantly, we need to be keeping a very close eye.

As we enter 2012, I, along with my partner, TrueCare.com, will continue to help parents understand that they do need to be monitoring their kids online. There has never been a more vulnerable time in your child’s life where what you don’t know really can hurt you (and your child).  We want to move the needle in raising awareness and make “monitoring kids online” the next “buckle your seat belt.”

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and you are probably already making plans to visit friends and family. The kids are off from school, and you are looking forward to not having routines and school activities. Even though you sense peacefulness at this time without the hubbub, your child may not. Your child did not leave their “world” behind at school. Their world is increasingly the life they have online. It is the texts, the emails, the Facebook, and the MySpace. You can be a great parent in all aspects; however, if you don’t understand who your child is talking to online, what they are experiencing or who is coming into your home over the phone or computer, you are missing an important aspect of your child’s life.

Facebook, Time Warner and Cartoon Network recently announced the launch of an anti-bullying campaign to help change lives and make children safe from bullying. The national exposure of this campaign is exactly what this severe issue needs – public awareness and request for action. Parents are always more powerful in their children’s life if they form a united front. Below are tips for parents who have children using the Internet, social media networks and cell phones. 

Discussion, discussion, and more discussion.  Parents must have a basic knowledge about what’s going on in their kid’s online worlds from a verbal and physical standpoint. Since social networking has become a daily routine for kids, it needs to be part of the daily conversation. The more open you are with your kids and facilitate a safe and non-judgmental environment for conversation, the more likely they are to tell you if they come across an issue.

In addition to talking to kids about cyber bullying, parents should spread the word to other parents and act as a true advocate for the issue. The more you talk about it, the more useful information you can share. Comment on blogs, forward news stories, “re-share” on Facebook, stand up at the PTO meeting – use any communications necessary to get your voice heard.

Take the time.  The good news is that with a national campaign, there will be information, discussions, surveys, resources and solutions everywhere. Take the extra time to read and comprehend the information to make yourself knowledgeable on the issues and to act as a resource to other parents and kids.

Learn the warning signs.  As mentioned, information will be more available from a reference perspective so take advantage of it. Learn about the warning signs of bullying so that you can recognize it in your own child or any child. Remember that a sudden, drastic change in your child’s behavior might mean something is going on. Below are just a few signs of bullying, but don’t forget to trust your instincts:

• Torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings
• Unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches
• Fear of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part with peers in organized activities
• No interest in school or their grades
• Weepy, sad, moody, or depressed after school behaviors
• Complaints of headaches, stomachaches or other physical ailments
• Loss of appetite or weight gain
• Anxiousness or low-self-esteem

Teach children exactly what to do if they get an offensive or threatening post or comment. Take every opportunity to teach them how to manage themselves in confusing situations and when to bring the issues to you. When they do, believe them and show your support.

The Golden Rule does apply to online interactions. It may be the first rule taught to kids, “Do unto others as you would have done to you.” You set the expectations for manners and appropriate behavior. Coach them to behave online as you have taught them in real life.  Digital manners need to be reinforced just as regular manners do.

While you are taking the necessary measures to stop bullying and get more involved in what is going on online, there are a few other items that parents should pay attention to while monitoring social networking sites for cyber bullying.

• “Friends” and connections - Make sure you know them all. Kids are likely to accept requests from almost anyone. Discuss with them as to why they should only be connected to people they know and only connected to adults who are family members. There is no good reason why adults and kids should be connected online.
• Posted Photos - Take a close look at the types of photos your kids post and make sure you are comfortable with the content. Remember that the interpretation of the photo lies in the eyes of the beholder, meaning a simple photo in a bathing suit on a family vacation could mean different things to its viewers.  Also, take a look at photos posted of your child by others. What may be appropriate to one may not be appropriate to all. Additionally, with geo-tagging, photos show the location of the poster. Scary?

• Time spent online and where - Keep tabs on many hours per day your child is online, what sites they are on and where they are accessing these sites from.

Parents can also help by simply monitoring their children’s social media accounts using services such as TrueCare.com, an internet-based service that may provide an early warning of potentially concerning or dangerous online behavior. Each parent knows their child best, as well as their own work schedule. If you cannot monitor your child’s online posts, this type of service sends automatic email alerts concerning activity related to “friends,” photos or posts within their child’s social networking accounts like Facebook, Twitter, My Space and more.  The service helps parents protect their children 24/7 – no matter where children access their social network accounts. Our children are growing up in a virtual world. Their ability to understand how it works is much better than their ability to understand the consequences of what they’re exposing for millions to see. It is our job as their parents to secure their safety until they are mature enough to understand the permanence of their random, fleeting, and immature thoughts.

Back to school ads are full of new clothes, running shoes, and back packs. The photos show smiling kids with perfectly groomed hair, freshly brushed teeth, a book bag on their back, and looking forward to the beginning of school. None of these kids appear to be anxious, sleep deprived, or worried about the stranger who is sending them bad texts or posting on their Facebook wall. The ads won’t show that, because many times with cyber-bullying we don’t see those things. This is the reason cyber-bullying is so dangerous to your child. The secret bully lurking behind the screen is many times someone they actually know, but with a different alias.

This year, along with the clothes, back packs, and perfect shoes, make sure you educate your child in regards to safety on the internet, social networking and texting. After cyber-bullying begins, it is very difficult to stop, and it never ends without hurting your child’s self esteem. It’s estimated by the National Education Association that up to 160,000 kids miss school each day for fear of being embarrassed, bullied, or both. Being proactive is the advantage every parent has before school ever begins. Sit down and go through the rules with your child or take several nights and make flash cards with your child to help them remember.

True Care Online is a company that I am an expert for. They encourage parents to learn and be involved with what their children are doing online. They also offer 24 hour monitoring for parents whose children are followed by a bully or are at high risk for cyber-bully behavior. They believe if parents are proactive and engage with their children each day about who they are talking to, they will have the advantage of knowing when and if something is out of the ordinary. Together we provide the following tips to parents. It is called “Back to Basics 101”:

1.     Discussion. Discussion. Discussion. Parents must have a good sense about what’s going on in their kid’s online world. Since using Facebook and other social media sites has become a daily routine for kids, it needs to be part of the daily conversation.

2.     Keep the Computer in a Common Area Laptops, smart phones, and tablets have allowed us to overlook the cardinal rule of kids on the internet – keep the communication vehicles in a common area where parents can monitor websites and time allocated to internet activity.

3.     Manners for Texting, E-Mailing or Chatting Online As you have in every aspect of your child’s life, set the expectations for manners and appropriate behavior. Coach them to behave as you have taught them in real life.  Typed content is the same as verbal communication. Digital manners need to be reinforced just as regular manners do. 

4.     Understand the Settings of Social Media Sites
Settings can sometimes be difficult to find and hard to navigate. Understanding the settings can save you time and heartache down the road. They control what information people can and can’t see and what information is sent out upon posting.  You are the parent, be certain that any preferences or settings are set to your liking. Also remember that Facebook prohibits children under 13 from even having a Facebook account. Being a good parent means setting strong boundaries.

5.     Posting Pictures – Interpretation is in the Mind of the Beholder
A picture posted online is not private. A photo sent between cell phones is not private. Make sure that your children are aware that mistakes do happen and so-called private messages go public, or that sometimes people you trust make mistakes in judgment.  Once a photo hits a social media site, it can be downloaded and reposted across the entire web within hours.  It’s okay to tell your kids “No picture sending until you are over the age of 18 years unless I approve it.”

6.     Kids and Adults Should Not Be Friends
Don’t allow your kids to “friend” adults on social media sites. When your child connects with an adult, even if it’s a trusted friend or relative, they are exposed to the adult content and images posted on that adult’s site.

7.     Teach Children What to Do if They Get an Offensive or Threatening IM, E-mail, or Chat Room Post
The latest statistics indicate that 42% of children have been the victim of an online bully. Of that number, 58% never discussed the situation with their parents. The more conversations you have with your kids about what occurs online, the more likely they will be to talk to you about what’s going on. Take every opportunity to teach them how to manage themselves in confusing situations.

8.     If Your Child Has a Social Media Account, They are at Risk
No one can hide on the Internet.  A social media account allows for some of a child’s personal information to be viewable in a search engine. Be certain that content is managed appropriately. Performing a Google search every once in awhile may be a good idea to make sure that you’re aware of your kid’s online presence.

Parents need to tell their children frequently that whatever they post never goes away, it usually goes around. Many children don’t understand the danger of what they post as they live in the present. Being a parent who provides strong, clear boundaries can cyber-bully proof your child, and help deter your child from being a victim or aggressor.