Back to school ads are full of new clothes, running shoes, and back packs. The photos show smiling kids with perfectly groomed hair, freshly brushed teeth, a book bag on their back, and looking forward to the beginning of school. None of these kids appear to be anxious, sleep deprived, or worried about the stranger who is sending them bad texts or posting on their Facebook wall. The ads won’t show that, because many times with cyber-bullying we don’t see those things. This is the reason cyber-bullying is so dangerous to your child. The secret bully lurking behind the screen is many times someone they actually know, but with a different alias.

This year, along with the clothes, back packs, and perfect shoes, make sure you educate your child in regards to safety on the internet, social networking and texting. After cyber-bullying begins, it is very difficult to stop, and it never ends without hurting your child’s self esteem. It’s estimated by the National Education Association that up to 160,000 kids miss school each day for fear of being embarrassed, bullied, or both. Being proactive is the advantage every parent has before school ever begins. Sit down and go through the rules with your child or take several nights and make flash cards with your child to help them remember.

True Care Online is a company that I am an expert for. They encourage parents to learn and be involved with what their children are doing online. They also offer 24 hour monitoring for parents whose children are followed by a bully or are at high risk for cyber-bully behavior. They believe if parents are proactive and engage with their children each day about who they are talking to, they will have the advantage of knowing when and if something is out of the ordinary. Together we provide the following tips to parents. It is called “Back to Basics 101”:

1.     Discussion. Discussion. Discussion. Parents must have a good sense about what’s going on in their kid’s online world. Since using Facebook and other social media sites has become a daily routine for kids, it needs to be part of the daily conversation.

2.     Keep the Computer in a Common Area Laptops, smart phones, and tablets have allowed us to overlook the cardinal rule of kids on the internet – keep the communication vehicles in a common area where parents can monitor websites and time allocated to internet activity.

3.     Manners for Texting, E-Mailing or Chatting Online As you have in every aspect of your child’s life, set the expectations for manners and appropriate behavior. Coach them to behave as you have taught them in real life.  Typed content is the same as verbal communication. Digital manners need to be reinforced just as regular manners do. 

4.     Understand the Settings of Social Media Sites
Settings can sometimes be difficult to find and hard to navigate. Understanding the settings can save you time and heartache down the road. They control what information people can and can’t see and what information is sent out upon posting.  You are the parent, be certain that any preferences or settings are set to your liking. Also remember that Facebook prohibits children under 13 from even having a Facebook account. Being a good parent means setting strong boundaries.

5.     Posting Pictures – Interpretation is in the Mind of the Beholder
A picture posted online is not private. A photo sent between cell phones is not private. Make sure that your children are aware that mistakes do happen and so-called private messages go public, or that sometimes people you trust make mistakes in judgment.  Once a photo hits a social media site, it can be downloaded and reposted across the entire web within hours.  It’s okay to tell your kids “No picture sending until you are over the age of 18 years unless I approve it.”

6.     Kids and Adults Should Not Be Friends
Don’t allow your kids to “friend” adults on social media sites. When your child connects with an adult, even if it’s a trusted friend or relative, they are exposed to the adult content and images posted on that adult’s site.

7.     Teach Children What to Do if They Get an Offensive or Threatening IM, E-mail, or Chat Room Post
The latest statistics indicate that 42% of children have been the victim of an online bully. Of that number, 58% never discussed the situation with their parents. The more conversations you have with your kids about what occurs online, the more likely they will be to talk to you about what’s going on. Take every opportunity to teach them how to manage themselves in confusing situations.

8.     If Your Child Has a Social Media Account, They are at Risk
No one can hide on the Internet.  A social media account allows for some of a child’s personal information to be viewable in a search engine. Be certain that content is managed appropriately. Performing a Google search every once in awhile may be a good idea to make sure that you’re aware of your kid’s online presence.

Parents need to tell their children frequently that whatever they post never goes away, it usually goes around. Many children don’t understand the danger of what they post as they live in the present. Being a parent who provides strong, clear boundaries can cyber-bully proof your child, and help deter your child from being a victim or aggressor.