I work at the Methodist Weight Management program. It is not uncommon for women to tell me they became morbidly obese after they got married. In fact many women will recite that they were thin until the birth of their first baby. They are frustrated and do not understand what happened. Many of these women feel guilty because they believe it is the way they eat or not enough exercise. Certainly behavior changes do contribute to weight gain, but maybe it has more to do with the couple and what they are doing together that leads to weight gain for the wife?

Annette J. Dobson, a professor of biostatistics at the University of Queensland in Australia reported that adjusting for other variables on average a woman who weighs 140 pounds who has a partner whether she lives with him or is married to him gains up to 20lbs in ten years if she has a baby, 15 pounds if there is no baby and no partner she gains only 11 pounds.  The number of women with a baby but no partner was too small of a sample size to draw statistically significant conclusions (link to the NY Times Article).

Scientists cannot come up with a reason to believe that having a partner would cause metabolic changes so they are lead to believe that the weight gain among the childless women with partners must be caused by behavioral changes. The weight gain seemed to be steady during the whole 10 year study so whatever behaviors they were changing just kept getting more constant.

This study was done with 6,000 Australian women over a ten year period which ended in 2006. It was difficult studying such a large group over that period of time. By the end of the study more than half of the women had college degrees and about three quarters had partners and half had had at least one baby. Almost all the weight gain happened with the first baby, while subsequent births had little effect. Also by the end of the study there were fewer smokers and risky drinkers than at the beginning. There were fewer women exercising and less of them were working outside the home. But even after adjusting for all of these factors and more, the difference in weight gain among women with and without babies and among women with and without partners remained. This study included only women but the researchers cited one earlier study that showed an increase in obesity among men who had children, adding evidence that behavior changes occur to both partners. Healthy and unhealthy lifestyles affect both men and women.

How to prevent or minimize weight gain as a couple:

1. Get into an exercise program and do it every day (consistency is the key). Don’t focus on the amount of time; try to take mini intense workouts. Walking very fast for 10 minutes is better than walking slow for 20. No time to exercise? Fit walking in whenever you can.
2. When you go out to eat, watch portions. If your husband weighs 200 pounds and is 6 feet and you are 5 feet 2 inches and weigh 140 you should not be eating the same amount of food he does. Cut down half of the portion the restaurant brings you.
3. As much as possible do not eat after 7 p.m. in the evening.
4. Have sex frequently. I don’t know why it works, but it does for burning calories. It also will help with your body image which will help you control your appetite.
5. Pamper yourself with things other than food. Most of what I do at my job is to teach people alternative behaviors to relieve stress that don’t include food.

As couples become comfortable in a relationship they may develop the attitude that they don’t need to stay slim anymore. This is not only untrue but it is dangerous. Most diseases are worsened or precipitated by weight gain. Instead of using food as a measure of comfort couples would be wise to use a new measure such as hugs, snuggling, or massages. In the New Year make it a goal to find a new activity you can do as a couple that doesn’t involve eating.