Blog entries tagged relationships

Money Matters Are One Of The Big Three Reasons For Marital Strife

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 20:54:21 +0100

Marriage research has listed finances as one of the top three reasons couples get into trouble. Couples who begin to struggle with money issues are having problems at a deeper level than the cost of the items. Money is symbolic in our culture, and it symbolizes values, goals, and what each person prioritizes. Therefore, attacks regarding money become attacks of basic values, which have a tendency to insult the spouse's family as well as the spouse. Happy couples argue about money too, but monRead More...

15 Flags That Signal Your Marriage Is Over

Mary Jo Rapini — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:25:17 +0100

A frequent question I hear is, “Should I divorce?” How do you know when your marriage is over? It's a difficult question, and one no one can answer for you. For one couple, a cheating spouse may be the final reason. For another couple, cheating may be worked through, but the in-laws may be the reason for divorce. I usually advise couples to wait and put every ounce of energy they can into salvaging the marriage. I also ask them to think about issues: How will your children fare? WRead More...

Increase Your Longevity As A Couple By Whittling Away At The Waist

Mary Jo Rapini — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 21:56:44 +0100

There was a recent article in the New York Times and the Houston Chronicle about longevity being linked to waist size. The study was from the American Cancer Society which tracked the health of more than 100,000 people over nine years. Having a large waist size doubled the risk of dying from any cause compared to those with smaller waists. This finding occurred whether the person was normal weight, overweight, or obese. The researchers reported a particularly striking finding for women. They Read More...

His Thinking Is In His Head, But His Emotions Are From The Waist Down

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 21:46:50 +0100

I work with the Center of Pelvic Restorative Disease at Methodist Hospital. This is a virtual center and encompasses about twelve physicians and staff. I am the intimacy and sex counselor for the center, which deals with any problems in men or women from the waist down. I work with gynecologists, urologists, oncologists, internists, urologists, gastroenterologists, as well as plastic surgeons. The Center cares for men and women every day who have problems with their genitals, bowels, bladdersRead More...

“Think You Want Couple Counseling?” (10 Reasons Couples Therapy May Not Work For You)

Mary Jo Rapini — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 00:02:03 +0100

Couples come in every week for therapy. Many come in with expectations of gaining insight, some are dragged in by their spouses, and some come in out of frustration and wanting out of a bad marriage. The reasons that bring people in are not as important as the couple's attitude. If couples see their marriage as a work in progress and come to therapy to work past difficulties, they usually will be successful. Therapy is expensive and can be a waste of time. It can also be the single best thingRead More...

How Many Times Is Too Many Times To Get Married?

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 22:42:08 +0100

The Journal of Aging and Health has released data on a study of 9,000 men and women in regards to their health and personal life. The people in the study were the ages of 60 and 70 years old, and most of them had been married once. The study confirmed that people who are married are happier, but it also looked at couples who were married several times. The people who married three or more times were a third more likely to die early than the people who married for life; 34% of people married tRead More...

In a Bad Economy, Maybe You Need a “Breakation”

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 22:00:50 +0100

First, the economy forced us to take a “staycation.” We were all in our backyards, putting up tents. We were too worried about leaving town, because when we got back we may not have a job. According to Expedia 2009, Americans are vacation deprived. About one third of US adults (34%) do not take the vacation days they receive each year. About 37% report regularly working more than 40 hours per week. Thirty percent of Americans have trouble coping with stress from work at some pointRead More...

When Taking Care of Me Leads to Neglecting You

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:14:07 +0100

Being part of a couple is a dance. He moves one way and you move another. She twirls, but your arm has to guide that (if you want to keep her close). Being part of a couple like a tango assumes an “attitude.” It's empowering to be sharing your life with another, but it is also learning to negotiate and give in to things you aren't use to giving in to. Sometimes you submit; sometimes you dominate. A healthy couple learns to dance with grace and fluidity that makes it look easy and Read More...

Fifteen Things to Tell Your Teenager Before They Close Their Eyes to Sleep

Mary Jo Rapini — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 21:49:19 +0100

Having a teenager is one of the most challenging times in a parent's marriage as well as their life. It is scary, frustrating, and chaotic. It is a time of letting go, enforcing rules, strengthening boundaries and also nurturing. Teens may appear to be fighting against us at times, rebelling from our rules, pointing out our inadequacies, and telling us “how out of it we are.” However, they also still love and need us. They need their mom and dad to stay strong and enforce the ruleRead More...

Hurt People Hurt People

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:46:40 +0100

I watched a movie titled “Greenberg” and in it was one of my favorite lines, “Hurt people hurt people.” The actress who played Florence in the movie said it to the actor she loved, Robert Greenberg. Robert struggled with OCD, was neurotic, jaded, and a 40-year-old guy. He had recently gotten out of a mental hospital, and was house sitting for his brother and family while they went to Vietnam on summer vacation. Robert's inability to live in the real world and his fear Read More...

Want A Healthy Relationship? Begin By Being True To Yourself

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 22:06:17 +0100

Most of us know the importance of being honest with our partner and being able to discuss emotional concerns in an open manner. But now there is proof that behaving this way leads to higher quality relationships, as well as overall happiness. A research study from Ohio State University, led by Amy Brunell, confirmed that people who are able to see themselves clearly and objectively, while acting in ways that are consistent with their beliefs and interacting honestly and truthfully with othersRead More...

Women’s Cheating May Reflect a “Leak in Their Vase”

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 07:00:00 +0100

Cheating is destructive in any relationship. Men and women both cheat for varied reasons. Women seldom cheat for the physical reasons and almost always cheat due to emotional attachments. This makes sense as women are emotional beings. Most sex, as well as intimacy, happens in our minds long before it happens to us physically. We play all sorts of “scenarios” in our head of how making love to this person would be, and we entertain words we want to hear as well. Women look for diffRead More...

A Man’s Need for Intimacy is Stronger Than His Need for Sex

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 23:01:50 +0100

Women have a concept of men wanting only one thing…SEX. It appears this way. We see it on TV and hear about it on the radio. We read about it in magazines, books, and on the Internet. It's true, and to deny it would be silly. However, there is more to it than just sex. I know because I counsel and listen to men every day. In fact many of my patients are men, and they have taught me things, which I hope to pass on to you (it is important to remember this is NOT every man, just as it is Read More...

Turning Off An Emotional Affair Before It Gets Physical

Mary Jo Rapini — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:40:06 +0100

Emotional affairs (EAs) are sneaky and it is common to find out you are in one without really understanding when and how it happened. Facebook, instant messaging, texting, and tweeting have opened doors for emotional affairs to storm in and have also built the walls necessary to keep it secret. These are two of the absolutes for an emotional affair to exist. EAs begin innocently enough. They take place at work, school, happy hours, and coffee hours, almost anywhere whenever two lonely people Read More...

Punishing Someone You Love Only Punishes Yourself

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 24 May 2010 22:19:24 +0100

The War of the Roses was a movie about angry couples who tried to punish each other with extreme and devious plots. I see a simplified version almost every day when counseling couples. We all get angry at our partner from time to time, and wish we could punish them in some way that would eliminate their annoying or hurtful behavior. The problem with punishing someone is it cannot be done rashly and is not wise to do when you are angry and upset. Punishment is most effective when it is a naturRead More...

“Hooking Up” In Hopes That It Will Turn Into A Real Romance

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 17 May 2010 23:55:11 +0100

College used to be a time when dating was rampant. But now, 60% of all college students are female and 40 % are male. There doesn't seem to be enough males to go around. Women have given in to what everyone else is doing. That is, hooking up. A hook up is when you go out, meet someone and have sex just for one night. No strings attached, sex is casual and knowing them or their name is not necessary. In fact, the majority of hook ups are done under the influence of alcohol, so it is likely thaRead More...

The Wizard Behind the Curtain is “MOM.” Teens, Make Your Moms Feel Special on Mother’s Day

Mary Jo Rapini — Wed, 05 May 2010 07:00:00 +0100

This Mother's Day, along with the flowers, candy, brunches, and sweet cards, it may be wise to sit back and recognize the woman you call Mom. In the Wizard of Oz, the great wizard was an old man behind a curtain pulling levers to make the great Oz look magnificent. In most of our lives, the one behind the curtain pulling levers to make everything look great or feel great (including us) is our mom. She has been there since our birth providing for us, guiding us and trying to do everything withRead More...

I Am a Reflection of My Mother’s Light

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:10:44 +0100

I was the sixth child to whom my mother gave birth. Her first words when she saw me were, “Each one gets sweeter.” It may have been the Oxytocin (the feel good hormone) but I don't think so. It couldn't have been the labor drugs affecting her thoughts, because she gave birth totally naturally to all nine of her children. I believe it was my mother's true feelings at the time. She looked at me as a blessing she had received from a Divine Creator who had given her a gift. My mother Read More...

Married to a Control Freak? A Twisted Relationship

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 22:45:12 +0100

Back in 1973, an important incident happened in Stockholm, Sweden. It is now known as the “Stockholm Syndrome,” and it helped people in my field understand why people who live with a controller stay with them (even if they are victimized), and even protect them. The incident began when robbers broke into a bank and strapped explosives on their captives' backs. The captives began to worry about the bank robber's safety. When the cops came to rescue, the captives became upset when tRead More...

Video Blog: Staying Together After Infidelity

Mary Jo Rapini — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:06:45 +0100

I wanted to try something a little different, and have created a video blog entry. I hope to do more of these soon!

The topic of this video is Tips for Staying Together After Infidelity.