Blog entries from Mary Jo Rapini

You Want It, He Wants It, But You Have No Desire To Get It

Mary Jo Rapini — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 04:48:55 +0100

One of the most common complaints I hear from women is their lack of sexual desire. A woman's sexual desire changes with years and life events. It is normal for her desire to lessen after the birth of a baby or during stressful periods in her life. But what happens when she has lost all desire and finds herself counting ceiling tiles while in the middle of making love? Or what happens when she withdraws from being touched by her husband because she feels like he will want to have sex? This isRead More...

Money Matters Are One Of The Big Three Reasons For Marital Strife

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 20:54:21 +0100

Marriage research has listed finances as one of the top three reasons couples get into trouble. Couples who begin to struggle with money issues are having problems at a deeper level than the cost of the items. Money is symbolic in our culture, and it symbolizes values, goals, and what each person prioritizes. Therefore, attacks regarding money become attacks of basic values, which have a tendency to insult the spouse's family as well as the spouse. Happy couples argue about money too, but monRead More...

15 Flags That Signal Your Marriage Is Over

Mary Jo Rapini — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:25:17 +0100

A frequent question I hear is, “Should I divorce?” How do you know when your marriage is over? It's a difficult question, and one no one can answer for you. For one couple, a cheating spouse may be the final reason. For another couple, cheating may be worked through, but the in-laws may be the reason for divorce. I usually advise couples to wait and put every ounce of energy they can into salvaging the marriage. I also ask them to think about issues: How will your children fare? WRead More...

Is Your Hubby or Boyfriend Growing Moobs?

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 21:54:00 +0100

Men suffer with their body image much the same as a woman does. There is a media type of perfection that men are influenced by that includes thin, tall, dark men. Most men don't put the same pressure on themselves to reach that perfection or fit in, but men who have “moobs” don't feel masculine or desired by women. Gynecomastia is breast development in males. It can happen at any age, but it is usually due to weight gain with adult males. Fat is deposited over the pectoral musclesRead More...

Increase Your Longevity As A Couple By Whittling Away At The Waist

Mary Jo Rapini — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 21:56:44 +0100

There was a recent article in the New York Times and the Houston Chronicle about longevity being linked to waist size. The study was from the American Cancer Society which tracked the health of more than 100,000 people over nine years. Having a large waist size doubled the risk of dying from any cause compared to those with smaller waists. This finding occurred whether the person was normal weight, overweight, or obese. The researchers reported a particularly striking finding for women. They Read More...

His Thinking Is In His Head, But His Emotions Are From The Waist Down

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 21:46:50 +0100

I work with the Center of Pelvic Restorative Disease at Methodist Hospital. This is a virtual center and encompasses about twelve physicians and staff. I am the intimacy and sex counselor for the center, which deals with any problems in men or women from the waist down. I work with gynecologists, urologists, oncologists, internists, urologists, gastroenterologists, as well as plastic surgeons. The Center cares for men and women every day who have problems with their genitals, bowels, bladdersRead More...

“Think You Want Couple Counseling?” (10 Reasons Couples Therapy May Not Work For You)

Mary Jo Rapini — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 00:02:03 +0100

Couples come in every week for therapy. Many come in with expectations of gaining insight, some are dragged in by their spouses, and some come in out of frustration and wanting out of a bad marriage. The reasons that bring people in are not as important as the couple's attitude. If couples see their marriage as a work in progress and come to therapy to work past difficulties, they usually will be successful. Therapy is expensive and can be a waste of time. It can also be the single best thingRead More...

How Many Times Is Too Many Times To Get Married?

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 22:42:08 +0100

The Journal of Aging and Health has released data on a study of 9,000 men and women in regards to their health and personal life. The people in the study were the ages of 60 and 70 years old, and most of them had been married once. The study confirmed that people who are married are happier, but it also looked at couples who were married several times. The people who married three or more times were a third more likely to die early than the people who married for life; 34% of people married tRead More...

The Perfect Man is the “Old Spice Man”

Mary Jo Rapini — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:21:43 +0100

I don't know how many of you have seen the commercials for “Old Spice.” I do know that almost every woman I talk to seems to have a thing for the guy the campaign has used to advertise Old Spice. The commercial shows this guy walking on a log, with a towel over his bottom half. Right away women like this guy! He isn't naked (most women prefer the bottom half of their man covered while walking). His top half is well muscled, and his face shows his ability to take care of himself byRead More...

In a Bad Economy, Maybe You Need a “Breakation”

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 22:00:50 +0100

First, the economy forced us to take a “staycation.” We were all in our backyards, putting up tents. We were too worried about leaving town, because when we got back we may not have a job. According to Expedia 2009, Americans are vacation deprived. About one third of US adults (34%) do not take the vacation days they receive each year. About 37% report regularly working more than 40 hours per week. Thirty percent of Americans have trouble coping with stress from work at some pointRead More...

When Taking Care of Me Leads to Neglecting You

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 22:14:07 +0100

Being part of a couple is a dance. He moves one way and you move another. She twirls, but your arm has to guide that (if you want to keep her close). Being part of a couple like a tango assumes an “attitude.” It's empowering to be sharing your life with another, but it is also learning to negotiate and give in to things you aren't use to giving in to. Sometimes you submit; sometimes you dominate. A healthy couple learns to dance with grace and fluidity that makes it look easy and Read More...

What Causes Poor Body Image For Teens?

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 22:08:12 +0100

We want our kids to grow up liking themselves, the way they look, and what they contribute to their lives as well as the lives of others. Recently, I was involved in a show on FOX 26 which featured a woman who has the largest breasts in South America. What possessed this woman to keep going to the size of double “Ks,” on her way to “Ms?” She told us she became addicted to the process, that the breasts began to make her feel beautiful, which is something she had never fRead More...

Mom's Learning To Say "NO" May Save Your Life

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 22:32:39 +0100

Moms are the backbone of our families, and if they are unable to stop their own anger and unable to say no, they risk a heightened risk of hypertension, diabetes, and raising children with a lowered sense of self. How does this happen? Moms who don't take time out for meditation, relaxation, and simple pampering routines become stressed with schedules, worries, and their relationships, which manifest in their health. These same moms forget the importance of exercise and begin to gain weight. Read More...

Fifteen Things to Tell Your Teenager Before They Close Their Eyes to Sleep

Mary Jo Rapini — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 21:49:19 +0100

Having a teenager is one of the most challenging times in a parent's marriage as well as their life. It is scary, frustrating, and chaotic. It is a time of letting go, enforcing rules, strengthening boundaries and also nurturing. Teens may appear to be fighting against us at times, rebelling from our rules, pointing out our inadequacies, and telling us “how out of it we are.” However, they also still love and need us. They need their mom and dad to stay strong and enforce the ruleRead More...

Hurt People Hurt People

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:46:40 +0100

I watched a movie titled “Greenberg” and in it was one of my favorite lines, “Hurt people hurt people.” The actress who played Florence in the movie said it to the actor she loved, Robert Greenberg. Robert struggled with OCD, was neurotic, jaded, and a 40-year-old guy. He had recently gotten out of a mental hospital, and was house sitting for his brother and family while they went to Vietnam on summer vacation. Robert's inability to live in the real world and his fear Read More...

Want A Healthy Relationship? Begin By Being True To Yourself

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 22:06:17 +0100

Most of us know the importance of being honest with our partner and being able to discuss emotional concerns in an open manner. But now there is proof that behaving this way leads to higher quality relationships, as well as overall happiness. A research study from Ohio State University, led by Amy Brunell, confirmed that people who are able to see themselves clearly and objectively, while acting in ways that are consistent with their beliefs and interacting honestly and truthfully with othersRead More...

Women’s Cheating May Reflect a “Leak in Their Vase”

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 07:00:00 +0100

Cheating is destructive in any relationship. Men and women both cheat for varied reasons. Women seldom cheat for the physical reasons and almost always cheat due to emotional attachments. This makes sense as women are emotional beings. Most sex, as well as intimacy, happens in our minds long before it happens to us physically. We play all sorts of “scenarios” in our head of how making love to this person would be, and we entertain words we want to hear as well. Women look for diffRead More...

A Man’s Need for Intimacy is Stronger Than His Need for Sex

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 23:01:50 +0100

Women have a concept of men wanting only one thing…SEX. It appears this way. We see it on TV and hear about it on the radio. We read about it in magazines, books, and on the Internet. It's true, and to deny it would be silly. However, there is more to it than just sex. I know because I counsel and listen to men every day. In fact many of my patients are men, and they have taught me things, which I hope to pass on to you (it is important to remember this is NOT every man, just as it is Read More...

Do You See Insecurity Or Confidence Looking Into The Mirror?

Mary Jo Rapini — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 22:08:35 +0100

I have a friend who constantly looks at herself in any and all mirrors. She is not conceited or even what I would call vain. In fact, this friend is one of my most beautiful friends but she doesn't see that in the mirror. She complains constantly of growing older, getting more saggy skin, and how she would like to have a surgeon give her a body lift and face lift. One day when she was looking at her reflection as we sat down to lunch I hinted that maybe she should quit her obsession with lookRead More...

2010 Women's Health Symposium

Mary Jo Rapini — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 10:00:58 +0100

I had a great time speaking at this fabulous event. It was so much fun to see so many empowered women! Prime Living Magazine posted some great photos from the event on their Facebook page. Enjoy!