TLC Network has a new show titled, "Toddlers and Tiaras." It covers girls, ages 4 to 8 years, who are participating in beauty pageants. Moms are pushing red bull (so their daughters stay thin), teeth whiteners (if they have teeth), hair dos that take two hours to complete and cost upwards from 75.00, and in some instances Botox (not sure where they are putting this because I have yet to see a child with wrinkles). The outfits make these girls look like dancers in a bar or grown up miniature women at a black tie event. It's insane.

When the "stage moms" are asked why they compete in pageants with their young children, they have a puzzled look upon their face. Smiling, they tell the camera that “their daughter loves it.” The child may love parts of it, but mom loves it more from the looks of the smile on her face. They interview the children on the show too, and some of the kids do seem to enjoy competing in the pageants, but those who say they love it are many times caught with a very sad look on their face when they aren't aware that the camera is pointed at them. The daily beauty routine that is done would exhaust most women I know including those who make their living in front of the camera. I cannot imagine how that could be good for any child, especially a child between the ages of four and eight.

Being a parent is very difficult. You have to make choices each day in the interest of your child's self esteem and development. There are pageants which teach leadership skills, how to speak in front of others, and help develop confidence. If enrolled when the child is at an appropriate age, I can understand how these could be beneficial. Competing for beauty, poise and charm seems like an oxymoron. How do we compete for beauty if all beauty is inside of us? We tell our children every day that it isn't how someone looks, but rather how they act that determines their beauty. How do we justify spending $10,000 to $100,000 each year on beauty competition for six year olds if this is true?

The overzealous moms in these beauty pageants get really enraged if their child isn't doing their best to look beautiful. This is perhaps the most damaging part to the child's self esteem. I have no idea how mom is going to rationalize the awkward stage her daughter will have to go through during puberty. Maybe she believes she can alter that with Botox, breast augmentations, and dietary substances, but that won't repair the fragile self esteem inside. Her daughter is already tainted by mom's excessive need for perfection. When you feel like you need to be perfect, you are more prone to depression, anxiety, eating disorders and other forms of self abuse.

Wanting your child to be successful in all areas is what most parents strive for. I do have suggestions for the top three ways to help your child become successful.

1. Be loving and supportive of your child's other parent. Make your marriage a priority.
2. Make sure you value education by taking classes yourself or modeling educated behavior for your child.
3. Treat people with respect and dignity in front of your child. Never let your child hear you degrade or curse out someone that you feel is inferior to you.
4. Develop a healthy lifestyle for yourself. If you let yourself go, then I don't care what medical alteration you do on your child, they will most likely sabotage it and do what you do.
5. If you want beauty for your child, work on becoming beautiful yourself. Your child follows what you do until the age of 12 years. At that time they separate from you by beginning to focus on friendships. After 18 they somehow begin turning back around and become what you were while you didn't think they were looking. Don't force your beauty hang-ups on your children. If you always wanted to be the winner of a pageant, your child may win, but the cost will be high for you.

Our children express the essence of their parents. Parents aren't perfect, so demanding perfection from a child, whether in a beauty contest or a sporting event, may win a trophy, but numb their soul.