No matter where I go, I am hearing the same thing. People are feeling the effects of the disasters in the world. It seemed we all had a sense of relief when Egypt was able to band together and their leader stepped down. That relief didn't last long before Japan was devastated. Every night in our homes we think of the people, the country, and the disaster. Our children may be having bad dreams, but we are not sleeping enough to have a bad dream. The bad news is close to home, too. Wisconsin Democrats leave the state to avoid a vote, gas prices continue to soar, and our schools are lying off teachers. It wasn't long ago these issues would bring couples into my office who were too stressed and anxious to have sex. Now they are coming in because they are too stressed to sleep, and they cannot function during the day. They are eating more, smoking more, drinking more and watching more porn to escape.

Not sleeping is a health risk for all of us. Insomnia changes our body's heart rate, blood pressure, cognitive capabilities, weight, bowel habits, and energy levels. It also causes anxiety and depression which may manifest with a shorter temper, moodiness, irritability, fighting, broken marriages, child abuse, and withdrawal. It isn't unusual for me to see couples who haven't had sex in months, with their primary reason as fatigue. Not having sex in a marriage isn't healthy for the marriage either. That loss of connection makes each partner feel isolated. It is more difficult to handle the stress of no sleep if you feel disconnected and alone.

The worst thing you can tell an insomniac is to sleep more. In fact, much of their anxiety that keeps them up at night is due to the fact that they know they should be sleeping. A panic begins to set in when they have gone for days without sleep, which continues to build when those days turn into weeks. I do have suggestions that may increase the likelihood that you will close your eyes tonight and wake up to realize you slept so well you had a dream. I cannot promise the dream will be good.

1. The first thing you must do is go to your medical doctor. This is important because many sleep disturbances begin with medical issues. You may find you suffer from diabetes, sleep apnea, mental illnesses, neurological problems, night sweats, or asthma. All of these medical problems are treatable, and you may be sleeping well within a week of treatment.
2. You are overloaded with information if you cannot sleep. Shut off the TV and computers one hour prior to going to bed. You don't need to see the news at night. You can watch it in the morning before work.
3. Have a specific bedtime for your children, so you won't be exhausted or frustrated prior to going to bed.
4. It is true, a glass of warm milk really helps prior to going to bed. Adding chocolate to that milk may make it go down easier.
5. Have your partner give you a relaxing massage prior to bed. If that isn't possible, consider a warm bath. Smells, such as lavender, really help.
6. Find a CD that you find hypnotic. Yoga CDs work like a charm. They have a monotone rhythm and are mostly humming syllables. This puts you into a “sleep zone.”
7. Reading a calming book or writing in your gratitude journal prior to going to bed will help get the “junk” out of your head.
8. What you wear to bed is very important. Wear something that won't pull (nightgowns are noted for pulling) and is soft.
9. Set the thermostat for no warmer than 71 degrees. You may be concerned with the cooling or heating bill, but you will save money on medical bills if you sleep well.
10. If you wake up at night, gently remind yourself that it is okay, and your body will fall asleep when it is meant to. It is also wise to repeat a mantra or prayer before going back to sleep. “Let go, let God” works nicely.

Having sex at night is a wonderful way to go to sleep. However, if you are tired from lack of sleep, having sex will put additional pressure on you. The resentment of feeling pressured may begin to thwart you from having sex with your partner during other times. It may be wiser to touch your partner and tell them you want to connect to them, but also want to enjoy the connection when you do. An understanding partner will do their best to help you sleep better and enjoy sex when you are rested. Now it's time to go to sleep.