A family was struck with a tragedy in Houston this past week. A mother who had been depressed for some time killed her two month old baby. The details are complicated and will have to be sorted out for the next two weeks, but the baby is dead and mom is in jail without bail. A family lost a son, grandson, and brother. Although it is not known exactly what type of depression the mother suffered after the birth of her baby (postpartum depression or postpartum depression and psychosis), she did murder her baby and was suffering for some time with depression.

Baby blues is very common and many women have this after a baby. The blues usually consists of being tired and overwhelmed, lack of sleep, and missing your old life. They come and go within a couple of days after the baby, and they are mild. Many women report feeling this and it is usually due to the changes in your lifestyle caused by a baby's presence. Both mom and dad can feel a bit blue, but it is usually more characteristic for mom, and completely normal.

When baby blues grows more intense or lasts longer than two weeks, we get more concerned with postpartum depression. Postpartum depression does not go away and you need to seek assistance. Your family doctor is a good place to start. A doctor may want to run several tests before referring you to a psychiatrist because many times illnesses may also be present with depression. A psychiatrist will then evaluate your symptoms and request information from you regarding your family history. Many times, when women get postpartum depression they come from a family that has depression or they personally have suffered from depression in the past. The symptoms for postpartum depression are as follows, and they have gone on for more than two weeks and have intensified:

1. Feeling restless or moody.
2. Feeling sad, hopeless, and over whelmed.
3. Crying a lot.
4. Having no energy or motivation.
5. Eating too much or too little.
6. Sleeping too little or too much.
7. Having trouble focusing or making decisions.
8. Feeling worthless or guilty.
9. Losing interest or pleasure in activities you used to enjoy.
10. Having headaches, aches and pains, or stomach problems that don't go away.
11. Having unrealistic feelings like you have to be perfect or you are failing.
12. Loss of who you were before the baby or beginning to feel less attractive.

Postpartum depression can be caused by many things after the birth of your baby. It may be brought on by the stress of caring for the new baby or dealing with money issues, a bad marriage, or simply anxiety about life. Hormonal changes after the pregnancy can trigger depression. Medical problems can cause postpartum depression. During the postpartum stage, women are vulnerable. It is a stressful time and although everyone is excited about the new life, it is difficult to be enthusiastic if you are lacking sleep, feeling stressed, or constantly in a state of anxiety. If you are concerned about the mother of your child or your friend who just had a baby, these are possible ways for you to help. Dads especially have a big responsibility during the postpartum time. If there are signs of depression, you are usually the first to know. If you are concerned, ask her if she is considering harming herself or the baby. She will not be offended and you will not put the idea in her head. You will give her a sense of relief that you understand how difficult this time is for her, and you are there to help her rather than judge her.

Ways to help the new mom if you are worried about her being depressed:

1. Make a doctor's appointment and go with her. Have someone babysit the baby so you can help tell the doctor what you are seeing. When women are depressed they become confused and may lose their memory. Having you there to discuss her condition with the doctor will help to reassure her and will provide a more complete history.
2. Help her to find time to sleep as much as possible. When a new mom doesn't get the sleep she needs, she becomes irritable and moody. We all need sleep to revitalize ourselves. It is impossible to care for a newborn if you cannot find the time to rest your own body.
3. If the doctor puts her on medication, make sure she is taking the right dosage. Lack of sleep and depression can lead to memory lapses and she may forget to take the medicine.
4. The best treatment for depression is medication and counseling. A counselor will add emotional support for her and help her make a plan to take care of herself as well as the baby. She may want you to attend counseling with her. This can be invaluable when dealing with postpartum depression.
5. Hire someone to care for the baby or ask a family member to help at least a couple of hours a day so your wife can get out of the house and meet with friends. Many women will not do this unless it is prescribed or set up. They feel guilty when taking time for themselves. Sharing with other moms how you are feeling is not only healing, it is necessary (one of the first symptoms of depression is social isolation).
6. Reassure your wife or friend that even if she is suffering from postpartum depression, she is still a good mom. Depression is a mental illness, it is not her fault. Tell her how much you respect that she was brave enough to go to the doctor and engage in counseling. These are both signs that she is putting the needs of her baby first by taking care of herself.
7. Lastly, if you believe your wife or friend is depressed and she will not get the care she needs, make sure the baby is safe with someone and take her to the emergency room or call 911. You may think it is over-reacting, but depression does kill and you cannot re-think your decision if she hurts herself or her baby.

Postpartum depression is real and it does happen. The best time to understand the symptoms and have a plan is before the birth of your child. Couples who talk about this prior to the birth of their baby are more comfortable talking and sharing if they feel depressed after the birth. Be proactive. If you are a new mom or soon to be mom, talk to your husband or partner now regarding baby blues and postpartum depression. The life you save may be yours or your baby.