The school year is coming to an end and many of you must leave close friends, girlfriends and boyfriends behind. There is anxiety mixed with a flood of other emotions. Can we continue this relationship? Is it strong enough to make it through the summer months when we may not see each other? Do you care for me enough to trust me? Do I care for you enough to trust you? Many patients tell me they decided never to date because they refused to participate in a long distance relationship. Sometimes this fear of living so far from the person you date is understandable.

     However, I think it affords a couple advantages to deepen communication and develop strengths and individuality. I think it is a great opportunity, but you must be realistic and agree on the vision from the outset. Below are some ideas that I believe will help you develop a closer and deeper relationship while you are apart:

1. Communication is the key. Communication is the single most important factor that every relationship needs to survive. It becomes more important when couples are apart. Therefore communicate every day. This can be a text, sending your loved one a song via, writing a love letter, or talking with a web cam. The method isn't as important as the action.

2. Take time apart to focus on the relationships close to you. While you were in school you may not have had as much time with family and friends. Make a special meal for family and friends, go shopping with your sister, and make it a point to nurture all of these relationships that you didn't have time for while you were in school.

3. Use the time apart to develop interests or hobbies. When you are dating someone you often forget who you were before this person came into your life. Keep yourself interested in ideas and skills you want to develop more. This will make you more interesting to your loved one who lives far away.

4. Use this time to really "court" your loved one. Everyone is in such a hurry and this has carried over into our most intimate relationships. Living far apart is an effective way to slow down and really get to know the other person. The physical longing to hold each other makes the relationship stronger. When you do finally live closer to each other or when you see each other again you have a knowing sense of who this person really is. The relationship becomes more about who you are rather then what your body makes me feel.

5. Begin a "savings jar". This is a big jar or box that you put money you would spend on a date into. This can be used when you do see each other again. It is wonderful because you both can participate and you both have a common goal. It can lead to brainstorming about what you will do when you see each other. Maybe you can decide on a movie you will see, a theatre production, a fine restaurant, etc...

6. Tell each other every day how you feel toward each other. Be open and honest about how difficult it is. Also, be clear about ways you feel stronger.

7. Have an idea from the beginning of how often you will see each other. I usually recommend every two to three weeks. Over the summer that may mean you will see the person four times. Brainstorm meeting places and most of all remember life happens. You must stay flexible. Sometimes two weeks may have to stretch to three or four.

8. Share a common "Vision" for the relationship. By that I mean try to have one to three goals you share in regards to your future with this person. That could be supporting the other studying for an exam, supporting each other during a long and difficult internship, or perhaps support while in preparation to purchase of an apartment or home. What the vision is doesn't matter as much as you sharing one together.

 Good luck, enjoy the distance and it will make you stronger.

MJo