The first thing I notice when I have a couple in my office is their personal hygiene. I'm not talking about the cost of their clothes, shoes, handbags, or watches, but rather their cleanliness-their care in dressing and in grooming themselves. I notice their hair, their health, how they smell and how comfortable they are in their "own skin". Hygiene is one of the first things we notice about each other. It is one of the first signs of mental illness, depression or excessive stress.

       I am always a bit surprised that the longer couples are together the quicker they seem to let their healthy grooming habits go. I would think it would be the opposite. You would understand how important certain hair styles, smells, or clothes are to your partner and you would want to continue with these styles. Many times as couples become less close with each other or resentful they may purposely begin to feel like it is "no use" and instead of trying to be their best they let themselves go. This creates a dysfunctional pattern because they are depressed with their looks as is their partner. It is a form of self sabotage that no relationship can endure.
Here are a few tips that may help you as you take an honest look in the mirror to assess your personal hygiene.

Men

• Make sure your hair and teeth are clean.
• Check your breath (ask your partner to take a whiff).
• Wear good cologne (a nice one is Tom Ford "yummy").
• Wear deodorant.
• If you have a beard then trim it, otherwise a shave is very attractive.
• If you are going bald don't do a comb over. Just trim your hair short. Most women will not judge you for going bald.
• If your back looks like a gorilla you may want to trim it. The majority of women do not like it, but if your partner does...it is a-okay.
• Weight control is best done with healthy life style changes.

Women

• Make sure your hair and teeth are clean.
• Check your breath (asking your partner would be a nice gesture).
• Wear a perfume that makes you feel sexy and that your partner comments on.
• Facial hair is a "no no" for women. There are many methods for removing facial hair and all are fairly easy to apply.
• Long hair looks nice, but only if the hair is healthy. If it is not healthy it looks dry and old. A short cut can make you look "sassy and cute".
• Women usually feel prettier and sexier with shaved legs and arm pits. However this is a cultural area. Do what makes you feel clean and attractive and this will make your partner feel good.
• Women store more fat naturally and our hormones affect our body's ability to retain water more then men. Weight is usually an issue for us at one time or another. Weight is also a big issue in many relationships. Usually women who give up in the area of weight gain are overwhelmed or feel defeated. The first step is "owning the problem" and then taking the necessary steps to lose excessive weight.

MJo