Many of my patients find out many interesting things about themselves after weight loss surgery or any other major health transitions. As they become healthier they realize they are in a relationship which is no longer healthy but that they are dependent upon. Their main concern is how they will make it financially on their own. To stay in a relationship for any other reason than love or commitment to the family is not recommended. This is especially true if the relationship is humiliating, demeaning, or abusive (physically, verbally, or sexually). Due to the fear of poverty, many will avoid taking actions to get out of the relationship. Their children are exposed to abuse throughout their childhood and many times go on to live a life exactly like what they experienced growing up. At some point one must decide to make it on their own to save themselves and their children.

How do you know if you are in a good relationship that just needs a little bit more work or a relationship that is not healthy? Here are a few questions to ask yourself to help you evaluate your personal situation.

1. Is money the only good thing in your relationship?

2. Do you spend most of your day worried about money, bills, and expenses?

3. Does your significant other threaten you with "cutting off money" or support?

4. Do you feel humiliated or abused in regards to your lack of contribution of money to the relationship?

If you answer yes to any of these, you have a red flag in your relationship. Make a date to talk to your significant other in regards to how you feel about this. If you are the primary breadwinner and your partner is draining your savings account as soon as you make a deposit you MUST talk about it. Relationships are a two way street. Many people avoid dealing with relationship issues and medicating with food, alcohol, or drugs. As we become healthier we realize these methods are all inadequate in dealing with the situation of financial security in a relationship. Get active. Write down your concerns and make a date with your partner today. Get the issues out in the open so you can begin to tackle them one step at a time.

MJo