There was a movie on several years ago and it was called Jerry McQuire. A famous line in the movie was "you complete me". I am not sure how that stance was meant to be understood but many people thought it meant that Jerry (the character who made the comment) was not a whole person without this woman. You hear it all the time; country western songs talking about some lonely cowboy "needing their other half" or when I meet someone they tell me "this is my better half".

       My favorite memory in regards to this topic of searching for one's other half or searching for someone to complete you was something my father use to say. He would tell us, "Listen up...it's a long cold winter and there ain't no Santa Claus". We would laugh when he said this because his eyes would light up and we delighted in his expression. What he was trying to tell us is "you're the total deal right now". No one is going to save you and you aren't missing any part of yourself. You need to get yourself together and take care of your self so you can be complete with or without another person.

       Many of us stay in worn out relationships and in bad situations because we don't know who we are or how limitless we really are. We think we need someone to help us through life. We deceive ourselves into thinking we would be nothing if this other person were not in our life. We tell ourselves we would not be able to run a household on our own. I am an advocate for strong healthy families. That doesn't mean that I believe you should stay in unhealthy relationships because you are afraid of the alternatives. Most children grow up healthier in homes where a mom and dad are present. However, they don't grow up healthier in homes where there is a mom and dad present but also alcoholism, abuse, and/or constant fighting. If you are settling in a relationship that you know is unhealthy then get out. It is simple: you don't need this person. This person is not completing you and you are whole the way you are.

        Are you feeling that you are not sure who you are? Have you been in this relationship for so long that you have become afraid of whom you are? Maybe your "other half's" telling you that no one else will ever want you? Do you believe them? Try this for quick insight into finding yourself.

1. Write down three things you are really good at and make you happy.
2. Write down when the last time you engaged in these three things.
3. Write down excuses you made for not doing these things that you are good at and that bring you happiness.
4. Write down which of those excuses you have control over changing.
5. Write down what you fear about changing those excuses

MJo