From the moment she says "dada" she is under your influence. Dads give their daughters many things, security, confidence, but perhaps the most important gift (or lack thereof) is their body image. They sometimes do this by what they focus on or what they do non-verbally, but mostly by what they verbalize. As soon as your little daughter is placed in your arms her sense of whom she is as a girl and, later, as a woman will be greatly due to what you have said to her. I work in a weight management clinic at the Methodist Hospital in Houston. I hear story after story of "defected tapes" that daughters can recite at the age of 52 years like they heard them only yesterday. These tapes sound like this "If you don't lose weight you'll never find a man who will have you" or "If you don't quit eating so much you will look like your mother (or aunt or sister who is obese)." But perhaps the most hurtful is the dad who decides he won't engage with his daughter at all since she doesn't reflect what he thinks is important for a woman-beauty.

              Although your daughter will grow up to begin to care for herself and start a family, she will always carry these hurtful tapes with her. In her heart she will always be full of anger toward you, her dad, for not loving her or accepting her for herself. No father wants to hurt his daughter. He wants her to become successful, find a companion, raise a family, and be happy. Yet, they continue to have a standard for beauty and although their sons may be overweight they seem to be more harsh and insensitive when it comes to their daughters. The problem is daughters already have so much pressure to be thin and beautiful so when dad starts reminding them that he, too, wants this they feel unworthy and unloved. Every daughter who is overweight knows she is overweight. You don't have to remind her nor do you have to warn her that boys may not date her due to her weight. This isn't rocket science. What an overweight girl may not know and need to hear from you are the following:

1. How you felt the first time you held her? How she was so perfect, and how you felt so proud to be her dad. This is a good time to tell her that you knew your life would never be the same because of her.

2. Become invested in things she enjoys doing. Even though you are her dad and she wants to be with you doesn't mean she doesn't get bored doing the things YOU enjoy. Part of being a parent means sacrificing your time for your child.

3. Get the whole family involved. If you see your daughter has a weight problem and you don't want to focus on that (and you shouldn't) try getting the whole family to start an exercise and healthy eating plan. Encourage her when you see her making healthy strides, but don't draw attention to her in front of others.

4. Let your daughter explore her own interests, skills, and become all she can be. Your daughter should never be pressured to have a boyfriend in order to be complete. She is perfectly fine developing herself so she will understand who she is and what she is capable of.

5. Lastly, she needs to hear that you love her and believe in her totally...period...case closed. 

MJo