An Addiction is an Addiction, Whether it is Food, Sex or Drugs

I watched Tiger Woods' apology about his treatment for sexual addiction on national television. Watched and listened along with millions of others to the words that are so frequently said when someone is in rehab. "I have ruined my life and it is my own fault. I need to ask your forgiveness, and I need to make amends for the pain I have caused you."

I run a food addiction group at Methodist Hospital in Houston, Texas, and work with sexual addictions in my private practice. One thing I know for sure, an addiction is an addiction and it makes little difference what the drug of choice is. Lives are ruined with all addictions and anyone who loves the addicted person is hurt over and over again. The addict is on a slow spiral downward and cannot get well until they decide they have had enough.

What makes addictions so difficult to treat, whether they are food, sex or drugs, is the denial that keeps them in place. The addict cannot see clearly and they are no longer the person you loved, were married to, or birthed. They are addicted, and the drug has full control over their personality. They will steal, lie, cheat, and care nothing about what you think. They are totally self-absorbed toward getting the next fix. Forget it if you think you are helping them by covering for them when they are too depressed or hung over to go to work. If and when that happens, you have become part of the problem. When an overeater wants to celebrate at their favorite restaurant and you take them and eat with them, you are part of the addiction. When a friend wants to meet up with a date in a new town and you keep it a secret from everyone, knowing this friend has had many other lovers you are part of the addiction. Tiger's handlers who didn't hold him accountable and didn't stand up to him became enablers of his addiction. He may need to reconsider who he hires, and tell them up front that they need to be firm in what is acceptable and what is not.

The three teachings that Tiger already learned, and that I teach in the food addiction group, as well as with my sex addicted patients, are:

  • Claim your higher power. Tiger got back to what was missing spiritually for him. He was a Buddhist and had let that part of himself go. Addictions cannot function with a higher power. If you can get back to your faith and belief in God, you can weaken the addiction.

     

  • Build and re-establish boundaries. Addictions have no boundaries. Tiger was seeing anyone who came into his path. He wasn’t picky about who or what they were. Just a capable, warm body. Food addicts eat anything, until they are sick. They don’t care if it's healthy, or high fat, they just want to "fill the void." They want to numb the pain, and comfort what they are feeling. Tiger wanted that too. Addicts need to know where they begin and end. They need to protect their inner circle and protect it from outside forces. They need to re-establish family and be accountable.

     

  • Make amends. Take TOTAL RESPONSIBLITY. The blame is yours. You hurt everyone and never thought of anyone else during your addiction. You have humiliated those who love you due to your extravagance.  You must admit that to heal. You must ask forgiveness. This is very painful because when you begin working through the denial and realize what you did while under the influence (sex, food, alcohol, drugs, gambling) you cannot believe the people you hurt and the selfishness you expressed. No buts, no you did this, just plain and simple, "I am sorry. I thought I was entitled to act this way. I was spoiled and immature, and only thinking of myself." This is the step that HAS TO BE DONE.

     

    Tiger has a long way to go. He has to work the 12 steps as well as live them. He has to mend his marriage, which will take a long time. His wife needs to hold him accountable. She also needs to forgive him if she is going to stay married to him, and this is very difficult.  What happened to Tiger Woods is not unusual. I see it every day. WE can all learn from his mistake if we humble ourselves enough to be honest about what we are addicted to. Start there, and then make that call for rehabilitation.