Viewer questions this week focus on trust, and can a successful, single mom find love again? Dating is complicated and it doesn’t get any easier the older you get. The challenges you face are different, and after you’ve been hurt, you’re much more likely to question another’s motives.
Dear Mary Jo,
Is trust inherent or is it earned?
You ask an intriguing question, and the answer to it is, it depends on how you were raised. The attachment the caregivers gave their child determines the child’s ability to trust. If a child was raised with consistent parenting and security, the child will grow into an adult that trusts more readily. Whereas, a child raised with inconsistent and/or absent parenting or neglect will suffer more anxiety, separation anxiety and trust issues. Things can happen as the child grows into an adult that may shake their trust, but because their attachment is so strong they know they won’t be alone in facing it. Trust is the cornerstone of relationships, so for those who cannot attach or trust others, they also have more difficulty with personal relationships.
Dear Mary Jo,
When you’re a woman of a certain age, how do you find a man that doesn’t look like your grandfather, isn’t intimidated by your career and has teeth?
You speak for many women who are starting to date after leaving a marriage, building a successful career, raising kids and all other areas of their life, but finding a companion who is equally interesting and fun to be around. It’s not about where to go to find appropriate dates, but what you are bringing to the table when you date. Successful women may develop a dating style that intimidates men from approaching. Understanding what you’re doing will lead to your ultimate success.
- When you’re a successful woman it seems to be a paradox that you make choices all day, but yet when it comes to dating, you put yourself in a position to be selected or chosen by someone, leaving you frustrated with the whole idea. If it’s someone you’re interested in, ask them to coffee or lunch.
- When you talk to a potential date or mingle at a party, you don’t need to compete. You’re not at work. You’re out meeting and getting to know others.
- Sometimes women who have done it all alone feel resentful toward men. You may be unaware that you’re feeling this way, but guys can feel it and they stay away from it.
- Smart, successful women use their brain too much and have a tendency to overthink everything. Keep it simple…focus on enjoyment.
- Successful, smart women have a tendency to bring out their masculine side more when they’re feeling unsure. Guys respond to femininity. They enjoy a woman physically enjoying life. They need to be needed. If you can do it all (which you may be showing them), they can’t see a need or purpose for them.