Questions this week make us reflect on how we feel about bi-racial relationships. Do we ourselves judge others by their color or culture before getting to know them? Sean’s question involves weighing the pros and cons of being honest with how you feel, but also worrying that your feelings may hurt or damage the close friendship you share.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do I tell a good friend I’m having feelings deeper than friendship?
If she’s a real close friend she may be able to feel some of what you’re feeling. However, if you try a romantic gesture and she isn’t prepared, it could end badly. I would suggest you tell her how you feel. Tell her you were scared to tell her because you value the friendship so much and do not want to do anything to hurt the relationship you have now. The very best relationships and the longest lasting ones are the ones that begin with being really close friends first. Honesty with how one feels is an important element in healthy relationships. Good luck.
Dear Mary Jo,
Why are bi-racial couples still so taboo?
Love is color blind, but peoples’ judgments are not. Stereotypes are passed from one generation to the next and people continue to make assumptions about each another instead of getting to know one another. Despite the societal taboo, one in twelve couples married in the United States is bi-racial and that number is expected to climb. When bi-racial couples go on to marry there is a significant increase in divorce. Culture and religious differences, societal pressures, children and the lack of their family’s support cause additional marital stress. I would advise bi-racial couples to get pre-marital counseling prior to marriage so they can work through possible issues they will encounter. Bi-racial couples that cling to their love for each other and demonstrate that love by their actions rather than focusing on what others think or say create successful marriages and resilient, healthy children.