You may have lived together for years hoping to be successful with marriage. In a recent best seller titled, Helen Chen’s Love Seminar, the author reveals that 85 percent of couples that date for a long time hoping to avoid making the wrong choice end up breaking up. The problem these couples face is their inability to fully commit to one another. You may think the longer you date, the more secure your choice of partners, but this isn’t reality. People change, and it’s not their change that breaks up a relationship, but rather the inability to commit. The author suggests couples focus on learning to manage the changes in their relationship rather than spending extended time focusing on who the right partner may be.
Knowing you’ll change, as well as your partner, can help you prepare for marriage and working through issues. Below are ten things that really change after marriage.
- Other people see you differently. Your best friends, as well as strangers, regard you more as an exclusive couple. You’re not looking anymore and you’re committed to each other.
- You’re husband and wife and that symbolizes a deeper connection than boyfriend and girlfriend.
- Finances change because you usually open a joint account. Couples who open a joint account report higher marital satisfaction, because it shows they’re committed to the relationship.
- You don’t split when you have a fight. You hang in there and work it out. You have to work things out. In marriage there is no running away, and when you are arguing it affects everything.
- There is a deeper sense of security. Getting married means joining finances, a home, life insurance beneficiaries, as well as health care. All of these provide a deeper sense of security. This is also a health benefit noted with marriage studies. People suffer less anxiety and depression with security.
- Your families change and become more encompassing. Your families become more concerned with your spouse, especially when you begin having kids.
- Sex changes and becomes more about lovemaking. Anyone can have exciting sex with a variety of people, but when it’s the same person every day, sex becomes more about making love to one another than it does about performance or non-emotional sex.
- You get more comfortable with being you 24/7. This can be a double edge sword. It’s great to be comfortable with your partner, but it can also lead to not putting effort into your relationship.
- You create a family, and this brings more intense responsibility as well as an incredible joy.
- You play on the same team. It’s not you, you, you, you anymore. You get excited when something great happens to your spouse, and you get more depressed when they’re depressed. You are each other’s biggest advocate as well as their best critic. You evolve together and become more alike with shared values.
People change and relationships change, and this is what makes marriage so challenging and wonderful. When you get married, no matter how long you’ve been with someone, you will feel different and you’ll experience your relationship differently. Being aware of these things and talking with your partner before you get married can help you commit and know what to expect. Marriage means you stop looking for someone else to be a better partner and work with the partner you have on building a great relationship.