Both questions this week are dealing with healthy options of defining yourself and your own needs with a relationship. The more self-awareness you develop, the more likely you’ll be open to the differences between you and your partner.
Dear Mary Jo,
When two people move in together they may not have the same taste, so how do they compromise?
No two couples agree on everything, but this simple system works wonderfully and it also helps define your choice of partners. Find a time you’re both relaxed and go through the things you’re bringing with you to a new place. Put a value number, one to five, on each item you want to keep. Five means you love it and cannot part with it, and a number one means you can get rid of it. After you go through everything, only the number four and five should be left. Negotiating from this point will be important to your relationship going further. You’ll be showing each other how much your stuff means to you, you’ll see how understanding, sentimental and tolerating your partner is, and you’ll learn about yourself in regards to how much you value things. If you’re moving in with a hoarder, the relationship will be full of conflict as long as you’re together, but barring a problem with that, you should be able to move in together without feeling as though you gave away something very important to you.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do you get time for yourself without being offensive to your partner?
One of the keys to a successful relationship is having alone time. It helps build connectedness in a relationship. Feeling resentful at your partner for not honoring your space deteriorates relationships. It’s important that you communicate your need so your partner doesn’t feel rejected. Men feel more connected when they get physical attention from their partner, and women need emotional attention. Your partner will honor your alone time if they’re getting enough attention in and outside of the bedroom.
These tips will help:
- Prioritize your time together and schedule fun times together.
- Do at least one kind thing for your partner each day that they love.
- Think out of the box with sharing intimacy. Bubble baths, massages and making a candle lit dinner for the two of you are intimate and will help show your partner they’re the one you love. The more your partner feels loved, the more relaxed they become with you having free time.