I read an article that was written by someone named “King.” The idea of the article was that so many women allow themselves to be treated as a “side chick” or appetizer for a man instead of a valued partner. The article did not place blame on men, but rather pointed to how women are responsible for their choices of partners, and devalue themselves by tolerating disrespect and making excuses for their boyfriend. For example, if you allow yourself to date a married man in the attempts that he will someday leave his wife or whatever situation he is in, then you are responsible for the lack of respect and attention you get. I listen to women in counseling and it is clear, they aren’t respected by the men they love, because they don’t value themselves enough to demand the respect from the beginning. Women give a guy their body, their love, their money without any commitment on his part, thinking they can change his mind or convince him to love them, and before long they are depleted with any sense of self-worth they may have once possessed.
If you are dating or thinking about dating, remember this very important fact; you cannot get respect if you don’t respect yourself. If you want a guy to love you, cherish you and commit to being your husband or partner, then quit giving yourself away to guys who don’t respect you, want you, or have intention of being faithful to you.
Below are suggestions on how you can be the respected partner and not a side chick, friend with benefits or any other less than respectful position you currently find yourself in:
- If you are in a relationship, really listen to what your partner says when he tells you his intentions. It’s important that you understand if a guy wants to be with you, he will find a way to be with you. If he doesn’t want to be with you, he will use every excuse not to be with you. You cannot talk or love him into wanting you if he is making excuses for not wanting you.
- Stop giving your body away to someone who has no idea what true love means or requires. Your body is your gift, and if you don’t respect it, how can anyone else?
- Stop cooking for him or feeling like you have to take care of him if he cannot commit to making you exclusive and treating you to real dates.
- Stop accepting him back into your life when he has a pattern of leaving and coming back again. Move on by cutting him off. He has made his decision, because being “flaky” or indecisive is a decision.
When I talk with women who’ve recently been through a breakup they have a tendency to be judgmental and critical of all men. I question their anger, and have learned that it isn’t the man they dated or the man before him, which is the problem. It’s the woman I am talking with. She is the one that settled to be with a guy she wanted to love her, but he never did. If she had demanded more from the start, she would not have found herself in the position she did. If you want a good man, then begin with self-respect. The problem isn’t guys…the problem is you’re searching for a good guy, but settling for less.