This week viewers ask how to quit obsessing about unrequited love and the age-old question, “Is a cheater always a cheater, and should you break away from someone who has cheated numerous times?” Lastly, a viewer asks a heartbreaking question about how to cure a husband who is an alcoholic.
Dear Mary Jo,
I suffer quite badly with an obsession for a man, and I don’t know what to do anymore. A classic case of unrequited love, which I can handle but the obsession is making me sick. Any tips would be fantastic.
Let me begin by saying what not to do. Don’t blame yourself that this person cannot love you. Smart, witty, beautiful people all get rebuffed at times, and your obsessive thoughts will only worsen if you begin thinking the reason he can’t love you is due to something you lack. Focus on these five things.
- Throw out any photos or sentimental images of him. These reminders actually feed the obsession.
- Force yourself to stop checking his Facebook, Twitter, or any of his social media. Don’t drive past his house and don’t frequent places you were seen together. Try to put as much distance as possible between the two of you.
- Have a plan of things to do when thoughts of him come up. Go for a walk, call a friend or do anything that works to distract your thoughts.
- Exercise helps minimize obsessive thoughts and so does relaxation and yoga. Engage in these activities as much as possible.
- See a therapist, because they can help you understand why you are having difficulty letting go.
The only way to get over your obsessive thoughts is for you to have a plan and follow through. Time will help, but only if you work with time to release your thoughts.
Dear Mary Jo,
How likely is it that one should stay in a relationship after the other has cheated with numerous women? I feel like now he wants to finally do the right thing, because his back is up against the wall. I am all loved out, and my heart doesn’t feel that love.
If you are married, I would seek the help of a therapist right away. If you are not married, and your boyfriend is cheating and has numerous times, he has an issue you cannot heal with monogamous love. He needs to love you enough to seek help from a mental health professional. If I were you, I would tell him you couldn’t invest your heart or future with someone you cannot trust. Then leave, and don’t go back. If he loves you and what he has with you, he will prove it to you by working on his issues.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do I get my spouse to quit drinking? I have given ultimatums and I have also left him. When I come back he will slow down, but he goes right back to the heavy drinking. He is a wonderful, caring man when he’s not drinking, but not when he does.
Your husband is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease and you cannot fix him. If you love him, hold him accountable. If you contact Al-Anon.org they can help you because you’ll need to be able to tell him directly that you can no longer risk his lifestyle of being an alcoholic. Al-Anon can help you both get a treatment facility, and they will also recommend Alcoholics Anonymous group meetings each day for your husband. There is no cure for alcoholism, only recovery. Recovery requires your husband to take responsibility and choose not to drink every day.
When you love someone it’s tough to walk away, but sometimes the greatest form of love is leaving. You cannot stay with someone who isn’t faithful, addiction-free or willing to prioritize his or her relationship with you.