This week’s viewer questions involve sexual identity issues with a spouse and the emotional pain of the holidays when your spouse has died. Both of these questions share the fact that there are no guarantees with relationships and love. Carmen’s question asks for definitive answers so she can know for sure if her husband is bi-sexual, which is difficult to give since people are not always honest with what they are feeling or what they share with their partner. Maria is asking for advice to help her deal with living through Christmas missing her husband. Once again, there is no right or wrong way for her to make it through. In general, the more honest we are with what we feel, the better the outcome.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do I know if my husband is bisexual?
There is a subjective scale for determining bi-sexuality. However, without taking a formal questionnaire, here are four signs that may indicate he has bi-sexual feelings.
- If your husband is extremely homophobic he may have repressed sexual feelings that he isn’t talking about.
- If he is a good friend with several men who lead a gay lifestyle, he may have more of a tendency to be bi-sexual.
- If he doesn’t seem interested in sex with you, it may be an indication.
- If he was bi-sexual in his past life, there is a greater chance he may be bi-sexual.
The best way to know if your husband is bi-sexual is to ask him directly. Tell him it could put you in harm’s way if he is leading a lifestyle of bi-sexuality while being married and intimate with you. I would also encourage you to go to your well woman doctor and make sure you have a clean bill of health. It would be helpful if your physician knew your husband’s lifestyle if he is bi-sexual. Your physician may want to do additional tests to secure your health.
Dear Mary Jo,
My husband died in June and this is my first Christmas without him. Do you have any advice you could give me that will help me go through this day without him?
I am so sorry to hear this, and you are right, getting through this day will be a challenge. The things you should do are the things that make you feel close to him as well as connected to others. Is there family nearby? It may help to visit with close friends and family either by phone or in person. Sometimes traveling to spend Christmas with someone else helps you deal with the memories of your loved one. Buying a symbolic gift or something for yourself (this can be a small gift) is important especially if exchanging gifts was part of your relationship. Taking a trip to the cemetery and sitting near his grave may bring you a sense of being near him. Many people find comfort in talking and praying with their deceased love one. There is no right or wrong way to make it through this day, Maria. If you find comfort in going to church, that is a wonderful way to reconnect with him and with your spiritual needs. I will keep you in my prayers, and please know you are not alone. God Bless you with a peaceful Christmas and hope for the New Year.