Viewers ask Mary Jo how to fix the lack of sexual chemistry, how to begin dating again after divorce and how to deal with a vengeful ex-wife. Your questions help provide the answers for others who struggle in the same situation.
Dear Mary Jo,
I’ve been dating a man for more than 2 years. We enjoy each other’s company and have grown to love each other despite one challenge. He has problems feeling attracted to me. He is unable to kiss, touch, and have sex with me. Why and how can we overcome this?
By all means you can ask him if there are things you can do that will help him feel more sexual toward you, but I do not recommend that. Sexual chemistry doesn’t happen with everyone and usually if it isn’t there, it isn’t going to magically appear.
- If he has medical problems such as diabetes, depression or hypertension, the illness as well as medications can lower his sexual desire.
- He may be afraid of hurting you by being honest with you, and this is certainly a good time to ask the questions both you and he may be reluctant to face.
- Depending on your age and what you are looking for, if you BOTH want more than a companion or good friend, YOU SHOULD SEEK MEDICAL HELP. 30% of all men suffer low libido. It is not talked about, but it’s true. A visit to his urologist would be advised.
- A romantic emotional and sexual relationship is healthy, but so is friendship and companionship. Just as you cannot make someone love you, you cannot make them desire you either.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do I get the courage again to date? I am recently divorced and afraid to take that step.
Congratulations on moving forward. Although it is difficult to trust that love is possible again, to remain alone to avoid your fear of dating is not an option.
- Do everything possible to make yourself feel confident and good about you. If you have left over resentment or anger toward your ex, let it go before you attract the same thing back.
- Forget about dating and focus on making friends. Couples who begin as friends have more intimacy in their relationship, and if they commit further, they have stronger marriages.
- Stop giving your ex your power of defining who you are as a man. The more responsibility you take for what happened, the more you can prevent it from happening again.
- The best ice breakers and friendships are formed doing something. What do you like to do? Make a list and then join groups of people who love that as well. Things such as running clubs, rock climbing, hiking, dance classes, cooking classes, and spiritual like-minded groups are great options.
Dear Mary Jo,
How do you deal with a narcissistic, vengeful ex-wife?
Unless you began your relationship while your husband was going through his divorce, this is not your problem. You should remain supportive of him, but also let him deal with the situation.
- You were not part of their marriage, nor did you create their communication style. If you blame her entirely, then your husband is powerless in making changes, which will undermine your relationship.
- What is best for you is to try and make a clear boundary between your life together and his past life with her.
- If he has children with his ex, he should always act in an honorable, loving and responsible way toward his children financially and emotionally.
Loving someone is tough, and can make us temporarily crazy, but not to love would be no life at all. Thank you for your questions.